Originally posted by me at Improve My Marriage: Focusing on the Positive.

Image: goldsaint / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Imagine you are experiencing a gorgeous sunset. It is a picturesque moment and you happen to have your camera with you. You grab your camera and your best lens. You are hurrying so as not to miss this moment. You get everything put together, and then look through the camera to get ready to snap your award winning picture. As you look through the lens, everything is blurry.

So what was the problem? The picture that you saw was blurry; the actual scene must have changed right? If the scene didn’t change, then maybe you were doing something wrong? The truth is, the camera was not focusing on what it needed in order to have a great picture.

All too often, I think we look at our marriages with a problem focused lens making the real picture seem blurry or obscured. Yes our spouses have flaws. Yes they make mistakes. But if we make those things our focus, the marriage becomes blurry.
I am not asking you to ignore the problems. There may be things that need to be addressed with your spouse, your marriage, or with yourself. What I am asking is for you to change your focus. Look for ways your spouse helps instead of ways that he/she doesn’t. Catch him/her doing something good instead of getting in trouble again.

Try this example. Take a piece of paper and hold it two inches from the end of your nose. What do you see? A piece of paper, right? What else do you see? Not much, because that paper obstructs almost everything else you could be seeing.

Now move the paper six inches away from your face. Are you able to see more now? Keep moving the paper farther and farther until you place the paper on the other side of the room. What do you see now? What else do you see? The paper, when it is on the other side of the room is still visible, but it has been put into perspective.

Image: Kittikun Atsawintarangkul / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you focus on a problem with your spouse, or within your marriage, you prevent yourself from seeing the bigger picture. Take a step back and change your focus. Look for positive aspects of your spouse, your marriage, and yourself instead of the problems.

You have got the perfect sunset (okay, okay, maybe it isn’t perfect, but it is still beautiful). As soon as you grab your camera and look through the lens, you notice that it is blurry. Instead of giving up, instead of feeling hopeless, instead of not trying, you change the focus on the lens and snap the picture that you knew already existed.

Tags: Marriage Change

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