wow i finally accomplished my goal of sleeping without meds two nights in a row. i took my malintonine and went to bed about 830-900 woke up at 10 for about a half hour (noisy roommates) then back to bed utnil 3a (drink) back to bed until 8am. my toerlerance to sleep is building back up. i thought i'd never get to this point. you see after the second rape, i slept in a chair or on the sofa for about six years and only in the last year or two started sleeping in a bed. both rapes happened in bed while i was sleeping so i have high anxiety at night. i used to sleep only facing the door, with a light on and with music on. only recently have i tried chaning it to being in the total dark. i've talked with my therapist about getting off of the ambien and trazadone. (i want to be off of all my meds but i know i will still need some.) the sleep issue i feel is resolving itself through the dbt (dialetical behavorial treatment) counseling i've been doing. my sleep protocol really helps because i know i have to be off the computer by 800-830pm and doing quiet things until bedtime. i'm going to add one thing and that is get some scented lotion for my hands and put it on before bedtime. that will help keep me in the now moment (mindfullness). I'll write more later.

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