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To marry or not to marry my ex
Posted On 08/10/2012 15:29:28 by Nellie
Even after 2 years, I still find it very strange to consider myself divorced. Of course this is not the way I expected to be spending my "mature" years of life. I expected to be busy enjoying my grandchildren and traveling with my husband of many years. Instead, the reality is that I am single and I am 62 years old. I feel much younger in my thoughts and my heart. Even though my ex committed adultery and caused such pain and grief, he has never completely been out of the picture. Having experienced a "come to Jesus" moment, my ex now feels that he has seen the light and wants to "make it up to me" and become the husband he always wanted to be. Hmmm...this is not the first time I have witnessed such a change in his life. In fact, it is the second time. He was dis-fellowehipped for this recent sin and now, after one short year, was welcomed back. He will meet with the Stake Pres this coming Sunday to complete the process to obtain his temple rec. I have mixed feelings, to say the least. My consternation at this point is this: He wants to remarry and spend the rest of lives making a wonderful marriage together, having learned so much about how to make a lousy marriage not work. He believes he can love me and give me the best of himself. My dilemma is that I am 62 and we do own a beautiful home and he does make a great living and I do love him - but I am not "in love" with him. My time on this earth is limited. Do I remarry a sure thing and know that I will be able to care for him and make things work? Or do I struggle with being single and hope that maybe I will find a man that will thrill me from my toes to the top of my head? Am I delusional? This is the single most difficult problem I have faced in all my life. I am here, visiting my own home, where my ex is living with my daughter and her family. I have been living in Salt Lake with another daughter for 6 months, hoping that some distance would help me to make a decision. It hasn't helped. I love Salt Lake but I hate being single and not having my own home. Would someone please give me some perspective or thoughts on what I should do? I pray constantly and tomorrow I will go to the Temple. Monday, I have a therapy appointment. Maybe I know the answer but I'm just not willing to accept it. Am I too old to expect to feel the fireworks again?

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Viewing 1 - 5 out of 5 Comments

From: Missionary-Mom2012
09/22/2012 12:41:41
Oh PS. I forgot about those fireworks.... The book by Spencer W. Kimball called "Miracle of Forgiveness" talks about that very thing. He says that you have to work on it throughout your marriage. Marriage will never be 50/50, it needs to be 100/100. Sometimes you will feel fireworks and sometimes you won't. It's a lot of work, but to feel those fireworks, you need to always find reasons to love him and say them out-loud. "I love him today because, he took the trash out or he put the lid back on the toothpaste", silly things like that. Let him know out-loud things you like about what he does and how he acts. Not only will you see him doing more of these things, but you will come to find more love for him than you thought you were able to give. Hope this helps, I'm learning each day about what I did wrong and how to have a better marriage in the future.


From: Missionary-Mom2012
09/22/2012 12:33:05
Isn't the Atonement Amazing?! I am so happy for you and your husband to be. It sounds like he has truly repented with full intent as it should be and therefore your should be able to forgive him to and It sounds like you have. The hurt and pain of what he did may never go away, and that time in history can never be changed but it is so wonderful that there is still hope and a way back. Congratulations to you for accepting the atonement in your lives and allowing Heavenly Father to heal the hurt. This can be a fresh start for your family, let go of the past and let the water flow under the bridge. Allow this new opportunity to become a new blessing in your lives and start today to make this new marriage the one you always wanted. Yes, you can get married civilly in the Temple. You are already sealed, so there is no need to be sealed again.

I too am learning to forgive my ex-husband for the destruction of our marriage. It has been a long rough road, but I'm finding that as I accept my part in the divorce, I am changing and he and I are getting along better. He has now remarried and has a desire to be sealed to her in one year. For the most part, I am ok with this and feel nothing. However it has made me reflect on our past marriage and why things went the way they did. For so many years I blamed him for everything. Now I'm realizing for the first time how I pushed him away and into this new ladies arms so to speak. I do with them much love and happiness. Maybe as I continue to heal I too will find someone to spend eternity with.

There is a book you should read called "Satan you can't have my marriage"! I found it in the LDS section of Wallmart one time. Good luck to you.


From: Nellie
09/15/2012 13:22:14
My goodness, how quickly things can change in our lives. I feel I have finally listened to the promptings and realized what my Father in Heaven wants me to do in the question of my exhusband. We have been falling in love with each other - maybe for the first time. His heart and spirit have come full circle as well as his testimony to a place of strength and love for his Father in Heaven. He has been accepted back into full fellowship and received his temple recommend. I have fallen in love with a man that I trust and love with all my heart. We have begun to put in place things that will help us to communicate and strive to work towards a goal of an eternal marriage. This is something that I believe was lacking in our former relationship. I know that we will face many negative feelings by family and friends who will question why we think our marriage can be successful this time. We have decided that our marriage will be one that includes our Saviour and if we keep those covenants, we will be blessed with a sucessful marriage.

We are waiting until Jan. 2013 and we will continue to read and talk and prepare ourselves to become partners. His Bishop has said that we will not need to be sealed again, just go through a civil marriage. My question to any who know is: can we get married for time in the temple or is that not done any more? I want so much to start this marriage in the temple. If anyone knows for certain what the standard is, please send me a reply.

Finally, I honestly don't remember feeling so sscure in an answer to my prayers and pleadings with my Father. I also hear this man in my life saying things that assure me of his repentance and desire to be my husband. So, with that said, I'd love to hear from anyone on this post. Go BYU!!


From: Aurorasungem
08/18/2012 17:22:51
If you are having that many doubts step back and see if you can find out why. Often there is a good reason for the misgivings and warning lights. Do not rush into this one, you were burned once and it takes time for people to change their ways. He may have changed, then again he may be putting on a show too, and without taking the time to really find out and know for sure you will always be doubting that decision. Make him date for a while before either of you decide anything. I am not saying yes or no as this is your decision, I am just saying be wise and trust your gut, if something does not feel right, wait it out and see why. As to whether or not you can feel fireworks again I am sure you will at the right time and place. Stick to what you know is right and true and listen carefully. Sometimes if there is a lot of confusion, you have to take that time out. Do not be afraid to take it and if he respects you at all he will grant you that much. Hang in there, this kind of decision is not easy. Best of blessings and my prayers are with you.


From: John11111
08/12/2012 16:47:56
Well you dont have to start off remarrying him right away why not try dating again, see eachother for a while 6 months or even a year or more in courtship. In this time frame you should know whether or not he has really changed and/or if he is still someone you wanna spend the rest of your life or even eternity with.

Who knows maybe you will have those fireworks you once had back if not at least after a year you will know for certain which choice to make and can move on with your life not having regrets.


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