So I got a letter from Daniel today. It seems like he is doing really great.. really losing himself in the work. In turn though, his letters have been getting shorter and shorter. He says he is trying to let go of everything in his life and let The Lord take over. I guess this means his letters will continue to get shorter. I was really sad when I read his letter.. his letters getting shorter means he has less and less to say to me... which means less and less of a connection. I realize though, that he is sacrificing two years of his life and that's exactly what it takes to serve a full time mission - sacrifice. When I first read the letter, I felt really upset.. I felt like I was losing my best friend. I felt like we most likely wouldnt make it through the 2 years because we would be such different people when he returns. We read countless talks before he left with advice on how a missionary and girlfriend or boyfriend can succeed.. they are rare, but believe me, they're out there. So anyway, before he left, we decided we were going to do all the things we'd read about in order to remain close.. to be able to be married when he returns. Well, so far, he's not keeping his end of the bargain. Its really discouraging. And I can't write him and tell him my feelings like I would if he were here.. it would only distract him. When he was here, we had a really healthy relationship... we pretty much practiced all the things married folks are supposed to.. all the communication and stuff. We've dated for 4 years.. been through a lot and I think we've done well. Now that he is gone though, I cant just talk to him like I would if he were here.. which has brought me to the conclusion I came here to write about.
Today, after supressing negative feelings and sadness, I've realized that I just need to submit my will to The Lord's. I will write Daniel and just accept whatever he sends me in return without complaint.. I will work to strengthen and grow my own testimony and continue to be social.. I will date and do all the things I need to do to. In the end, if Daniel and I work out, that'll be wonderful, if we dont, then I will know The Lord has other things in store for us. For the past year or so before Daniel left, I've wanted so badly for Daniel and I to be a success story.. no one has faith in waiting girlfriends and I've been determined to prove them wrong. Now though, I understand that even if Daniel and I arent married, we wont be a failure, We'll still be a success in that we've helped shape each other into who we are for the past 4 years. I've helped him get on a mission and he's made me want to better myself in every way possible. He's shown me what a Daughter of God deserves to be treated like and has set my standards even higher than they were. If Daniel and I dont work out, our relationship will not have been futile, it will have helped prepare us for the one's that really are for us. This is a really hard concept for me to grasp and accept.. I just love him and want to be with him so much.. but I do understand this and am slowly but surely submitting myself.
Daniel will be able to call home on the 21st of March.. thats a week away. I'm kind of nervous in that I dont know what to say to him. I want very much to tell him all of this.. he IS my best friend.. and before he left we told each other everything and worked out everything together. Now that the situation is different though, I dont know.

Bookmark: