I have done much soul-searching and pondering during the past week or so. I have also done a lot of reading and studying. I have always been taught that the trials that we go through in our lives are to help strengthen us and that we should learn something from them.

Well, I have had a situation come up in my life that required me to do something that I believe is one of the hardest things that we can do. At least to do it truly and correctly is.



#1. Forgiving means that you forget about the offense.

I have learned that nothing could be further from the truth. Even though you forgive, you may never forget (and probably shouldn't) what happened to you.

However, you can tell that you have truly forgiven an offense when you can remember it without experiencing the emotional pain connected with it.

#2. Forgiving means that you are saying what they did was okay.

I found out that it is actually quite the opposite. We can still forgive, but see what happened to us as unjust, unfair, or unacceptable.

There are many things that someone can do to us that we don't deserve or that violate the contract, covenant, or agreement you have with each other.

Yet, we can forgive by realizing that perhaps they were misguided, or flawed and thus worthy of another chance.

#3. In order to forgive, you need to tell the person that you forgive them.

Fact is, forgiveness occurs in your heart- not in the telling someone that you forgive them.

#4. If you forgive, it means you will trust them again immediately.

Forgiveness and trust are two separate issues. Even after forgiveness, it may take a long time to re-build trust.

Trust must be re-earned after an offense, based on good behavior- not just smooth words or empty promises.

#5. Forgiveness occurs all at once.

Not necessarily. Maybe you can start by forgiving maybe 10%-just open the door-and then see how this person behaves.

After a period of time, you might open the door a little wider and let go of a little more anger until you are truly able to forgive 100%

After learning these 5 different things, a few of which I did already know, I found that what happened was easier to accept and I knew in my heart that I did not hate this person, but what they did was what I actually hated.

I am now on the right road to be able to completely forgive this person and move on to continue to strengthen our relationship.

I know that a few of you might know what happened and what I am talking about and who this person is. All I ask of you is please do not judge or harbor bad feelings toward this person. I know for a fact that you do not know ALL of what was involved and I just beg you to do as I am, and forgive this person.

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