Well, it's been awhile since i wrote, so i figured i'd take some of this sleepless time to do that.

Not much is happening in beccaland. My mom and I got into an argument a week ago...actually 2 weeks ago now. we didn't talk for a few days. and then she made the first contact with me, which she never does. i don't know what brought her around.

a few days later a friend came into work and we were visiting. he told me that he had a rough weekend cause his friends mom died. i asked who, and he told me. i was so sad. my friends mom, my moms friend, my young womens leader for most of young womens, had passed away. i had missed the funeral and everything. i kind of think that's why mom was so upset, and that she took her sadness out on me. we knew this lady was going to pass away soon. about 15 years ago she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and then got it removed. it came back a few years ago and she wasn't given long to live, but she lived longer than expected. she had been in the hospital for the last couple months. my mom went and visited her a lot. at one point she told my mom 'bring rebecca next time you come, i want to see her". i never got a chance.

works been crazy lately. i'm not enjoying it at the moment. there's so much hostility there. the acting manager not doing her job, the manager trying not to get in the way. it's just....hard. and when the acting manager doesn't care, then it's like 'well why should i care'. i'm in charge of fresh foods and i'm so frustrated with my category. it relies on everyone elses ordering skills since it's stuff that gets ordered daily, and not weekly. and people don't care about the ordering because it's not their section, so they order whatever they feel like. too much, too little, and in the end i look like the one who's making the section crappy. although i shouldn't complain too much cause my fc told my boss she's so excited about how good i'm doing with my section. that my binder looks awesome and she's proud of my sales. they're the highest they've been all year. she also said she cold tell when i'd come back from vacation cause sales started going up again lol. i think i'm just being too hard on myself.

i was bored today and browsing facebook for names i knew, and i came upon my ex-fiance. i poked him, and am now regretting it. *sigh* i tell myself it's him i miss, but it's just feeling wanted that i miss. we haven't seen eachother in over 3 years...i wonder if he'll even remember me. weird thought, i know. i always remember people, but wonder if they remember me. i think it comes from my whole life not knowing my dad, and wondering if he ever thinks of me. lately i've been having the urge to contact him, but i made my mom a promise...*sigh* it's so hard. i just want to know if he's changed. or what he's like. or if i have other siblings or anything out there.

oh well. that's my random thoughts for the day.

i need sleep....i wonder if that will ever happen...

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