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Why?
Posted On 01/25/2008 16:54:16 by Jikei
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So...why am I such a loser, again? I seem to forget. I've applied for 3 different jobs at the hospital (within the past 2 months) that I feel I am more then qualified for...and within 24 hours I get notice that I have not been selected for an interview. What's more, one of the jobs has been listed since October, and is STILL listed today. It wouldn't bother me so much if they would at least explain why they didn't choose me. *sigh*
So I applied for three more today, two of which the minimum is less then I make now at my current job. But perhaps I could talk them into more. I don't know. I wont accept if it doesn't pay more. There would be no point in leaving this job.
It's not that I dislike my current job. I love my manager and my associates, and the flexibility is nice, as is the ability to get all the overtime I want (which is hard to utilize when school is in session). But for the responsibilities I have, the pay could be better, and there's little to no room for me to advance. I've advanced all I could (which is pretty decent considering how shortly I've worked here). My boss is trying to get me a raise, but it's hard to fight with corporate. I don't know what I want to do. I'm torn.
On top of that, my brown pen ran out, and they're hard to find. I like to use one color pen for the entire length of my journal...and my brown ran out. So i switched to olive green. I know, it doesn't matter, but it does to me. OCD kicking in, I suppose.
A single in Middlebury left today to move out west. First to Missoure (sorry for the misspelling), and then to Utah. I spent way too much on her going away party and gift. I need to stop doing that. There goes my state income tax rebate. *sigh* I can still use my federal income tax rebate to pay off the bills I wanted to, but you know what I mean. Man, when is that $600 gonna get here? June seems an awful long way away.
I mean, I'm not doing horribly. I'm not swimming in debt. Besides my school loan and car loan, I might have a total of 1000$ in debt (which is my computer, my medical bills and a low balance on a credit card). But still, I don't like having any. Then I meet that single girl, my age, who owns a home in utah that she rents out while she lives out East. Nothing makes you feel more like a failure then others doing better then you. I try not to judge myself against her, I try to just be happy for her. But it's hard. Especially when i've just been turned down for three jobs I totally qualified for.
But I know I'm just having a moment of self pity, a moment of depression, and that it will pass tomorrow. I know that I wont be judged to others standards, but to my own, and the Lord know's what has been dealt to me, and what has been dealth them. The heart has burdens the eyes can't see, and the Lord will take them into consideration.
On the plus side, I'm thinking of joining a gym. I need to do something, and my friend (who has equipment) isn't in the state, and thus they're off limits to me. The membership isn't too expensive (20$ a month), and it's 24 hours, so I could go at 7 after work or something. I could do it 3 times a week (Tues, Wed, Fri). I'm sure I could. If I'm paying for it, then I'm more likely to do it. I don't know. I think tuesday I'll go to the establishment and ask for a tour, and to talk to them about it. I need to do something. I lost 30 pounds last spring, and then stayed steady all summer, fall and over the Holiday's. I didn't gain over the Holiday's, which was a major accomplishment, I think. But when signing up to have the school order my gown for graduation this June, i told them I was 30 pounds lighter then I was, as an incentive to loose more weight. they said i could call and change the weight if I wanted, but I don't want. I want to loose those 30 pounds by June. Then my temple dress will look even better on me then it already does.
And it looks good on me, trust me. After my first trip through the temple, for my own endowments, I mentioned to a friend that I needed to get me one of those mirrors in the Celestial room, b/c I looked georgous! He said that perhaps I just need to get me a Celestial room. I like that idea as well.
One of my New years Resolutions was to serve more in the temple, and I need to get that rolling. First step, see if the PassPort law has gone into effect. If not, start going to the temple every other Saturday (it's only 2 hour drive). If it has gone into effect, then i can't go right away (the closest Temple to me in the states is in Boston, and that's 4 hours). Either way I need to get a passport. perhaps I'll use some of my Federal rebate to do that. That will fasilitate my temple attendage, and thus it ranks up there with paying my debts, I feel. So yes, getting a passport, paying off my computer (the highest interest), and then the rest to my credit card. (I don't get alot back...). When my scholarship comes in, that should cover my Medical bills. Then when the $600 comes in from Uncle Sam, that'll go to savings or to my car...I'm not sure. We'll see, probably half and half.
Alright, I'm rambling. it's late, and i want to leave work (haven't really worked the last half hour, now have I?). Have a good evening, thanks for letting me vent.
On a side note, I wish that I could upload the font of my choice into this thing...that would make it cool. But that's okay, the fact that we can blog at all is a miracle of modern science, and I shant complain.
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