Being one of the youngest in a large family, nearly all of my growing up years I had siblings away at college. They would call home, or we would write letters and they would each say how great and how wonderful college life was. Now that I’m in position, I agree with them in many aspects. When I call home or write letters to those younger than me still left at home, I mostly only tell them the good parts, especially since my little sister is terrified to come to college next year, so I’m trying to help her get over that somewhat. And for the most part, it is great. I do really enjoy college life a lot. However, there are just a few things that drive me nuts.

            Being from a large family, I figured that it would be fairly simple to get along with different people. I generally do get along with most people pretty well. I had a picture in my mind of what everything was going to be like, and I figured I Could deal with it easily… but there were just a few things that I did not count on. It was a bit of a shock to realize that my family is not exactly typical. Just simple things, I always thought were a given, I now realize that they were family rules that other families did not necessarily have. Things like ‘clean up your own messes,’ ‘don’t swear,’ ‘dress modestly.. it doesn’t make a difference if you’re just going to bed,’ ‘be courteous,’ ‘be home on time’ and the one that has been giving me the most trouble as of late ‘DO NOT embarrass Dad.â€�

            It is true that I’m not still living with my dad, but the concepts that that entailed has stuck with me. My family was always decent about obeying the rules that were set. I’m not going to say that we never disobeyed the rules, but there were some rules that were stressed more than others, and the big ones just WERE NOT disobeyed. It never even once crossed my mind to disobey them. Embarrassing Dad was one of those things that simply was not done.

            All of my siblings were relatively mild when it came to teenage years; none of us were openly rebellious. I only remember one of my siblings ever getting into an argument with my parents. I’m sure that there were more, but with many of them I was probably too young to remember. We used to frequently get into quarrels with each other though. My younger brother and I especially, we would be at each other’s throats constantly. But NEVER in public, especially when Dad was around.

            My family did not go out to eat often because of the large number of us, but whenever we did, we were on our best behavior. Good manners, spoke softly, did not make messes, no arguing, don’t play with the food, don’t make a spectacle, don’t bother anyone else, etc. One time I remember my family was eating at Denny’s. I was probably about 5 years old at the time. There were 9 kids still living at home at the time, ranging from 17 to 1 years old. I enjoy watching people, and I always have, so when the waitress assigned to our table came out and saw so many kids, I remember her face. (She was probably only about 16 or 17 herself, but to me then, she was old.) She had this look of slight panic, great frustration, immense annoyance, and then she looked up past the ceiling as if she were asking God, ‘why me?’ I think she pas pleasantly surprised. After we were done eating, she came and shook my dad’s hand and complimented him on his well-behaved children.

            That was just how we were whenever we were in public. There just was no question. That’s just how one behaved. I never really thought much about any of this until recently. I never really thought of myself as much like my dad in that respect. I think of all of the kids, I was the most likely to goof off and get that stern look from Dad, which quieted me immediately. That was all it ever took. One look. I used to imagine that someday I would take my children out to eat dinner, and we would play games, and goof off and just have fun. Not that we didn’t have fun with Dad, it just had to be the kind of fun you had without making too much noise, without making messes, and without in any way bring shame on the family.

            In the last couple of weeks I have gone out to eat with my roommates twice. Both times I was surprised not only by their behavior, but by my reaction to it as well. I don’t mind it when they’re silly and annoying when we’re at home. It’s quite entertaining actually, but when we go out to eat, I guess I just expected them to do what my family always did. They were loud and messy. They were playing games with the food. They had loud and messy eating contests. They made towers of half-full glasses of root beer, which eventually led to a huge drippy mess all over the table and onto the floor. They didn’t bother to try and stop it because that’s what the restaurant staff was for.

            I was humiliated.

            I didn’t join in with their frivolities, but nor did I ask them to stop. I didn’t think that it would bother me, but I guess it did. My relationship with my roommates is a little awkward. I’m an observer. I enjoy just watching. They have long since gotten used to this, so they no longer expect me to join in when they play games, and I generally am pretty quiet when I’m around them, so they didn’t notice my discomfort at all.

            Today my FHE family went out to eat lunch. I politely declined joining them on account of homework I had to do. This is probably the fifth time I haven’t joined in on an activity that they do together. I go to the Monday night meetings, but I usually do have lots of homework that cannot be put off. This one time when I didn’t have a lot of homework, I told them I did just so I wouldn’t have to go. What makes it that much worse is that fact that I’m supposedly the Mom of this FHE group. Not only am I supposed to be attending this sort of thing, I’m supposed to be leading them. Tonight they’re all going to see a movie together. Once again, I can’t go because I have a date tonight. I’m a lousy parent!

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