When it's over...

This is one of the mornings after another sleepless night that I cannot help not ask myself, why didn't I have a good night sleep again? Then I would just joke myself and answer it with, maybe someone's been thinking of me all night....hahaha! Jokes are always half-meant, a friend once said. And maybe...just maybe, behind that joke, there's this wishful thinking that someone has really been thinking of me. Then the memory of someone from the past would, again, bounce in my head...disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable.

What if he's thinking about me? What if he does loves me? It's just another imagination, I know. Another day of what if's and maybe's. For the nth time, I've told myself that when it's over, it's really over! There's no sense turning back or even trying to pick up the pieces again. It's time to move on and face the reality! When it's over, is it really over? When you decide to let go, do you really succeed in letting go? I just heard the latest song of Sugar Ray a while ago. Here's the few lines that caught my attention: When it's over, That's the time I fall in love again... When it's over, That's the time you're in my heart again... How can you possibly say it's over when you're still in love with the person you said you were over with already? I guess it's not that easy when the chain of the past locks you in the chest of false hopes and leads you to a place called fantasy.

How pathetic! But, admit it or not, it's true... The hardest part of losing a loved one is to accept the fact that they're gone and might never come back again. There are things that will always remind you of your togetherness... the places you've been, his or her favorite food you used to cook for him or her, expressions you used to hear from him or her and songs you've both loved to sing. These are the memories that linger on your mind from time to time. Because you were in love before (or so you think), it makes you hope for another chance.

You begin to believe on what others said that love is lovelier the second time around and the line from Ally McBeal, "whoever said that 'plenty of fish in the sea' thing is lying. Sometimes, there's only one...trust me." We would desperately believe that what happens in the movies might also happen to us one day. Who didn't like the lines from the movie "Runaway Bride" where Julia Roberts told Richard Gere, "I guarantee that we'll have tough times; I guarantee that in some point, one of us would want to get out; I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret this for the rest of my life, 'coz I know in my heart...you're the only one for me." We tend to think that the person who left us will come back one day and say those words, or just simple words but would promise forever Problems may occur every now and then, but we would consider those things as trials to be conquered in order for the relationship to bloom and mature.

Oouucchh! Reality just hit me! More often than not, these romantic movies and mushy love songs only make us long for something we cannot have...and for someone who cannot be ours again. It hurts to admit that we are just pretending. All the while, we already knew the truth but we ignore it. When the damage is done, there's nothing left to do but cry... to mourn for the bitterness in our hearts. Then curse anybody who gets in the way. As long as we still hold on to the past, the chance of meeting someone new may be a bit far off the field. The fear of trusting and falling in love again may also hinder us to grow and move on. We are hesitant to take the risk, afraid that we may get hurt again. Because of the negative thoughts stocked in brains, we refuse to go out from our self-made world and deprive ourselves from new opportunities, whether in love affairs or career wise. Let's face it! Betrayal can be anywhere and anyone can be a victim. The worst part is when the one we truly, madly and deeply love is the one who will betray us in the end. Then we are left with nothing but a broken heart and wounded pride. Sad... but true. Reality check please... It can happen to anyone but we shouldn't just take things as it comes. An action must be done.

We should take care of ourselves from the hungry wolves in the jungle. It's just a matter of survival. Stand up when you fall. It's okay to cry as hard and as long as you want to, just make sure that when you stop crying, you won't cry for the same reason anymore. Learn and live.

Love is the most wonderful thing one can offer, so be smart enough to give the love in your heart to the one who really deserves it.

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