04/17/2008  Grandma turned 93 last month.  Grandpa passed away in 1998, and although she misses him terribly, Grandma has gotten along pretty well in the years since.  The last year or so, though, she's started to fade.  She went to the doctor Tuesday, and she's down to 84 pounds.  She's had high blood pressure her whole life, she suffered a very mild stroke a few years ago, she had open heart surgery about 6 years ago now, so I'm no stranger to the idea of losing my grandmother.  But, it has always been exactly that, an IDEA.  Now it's looking more like a reality than an IDEA.

Grandma is a member of the Church, so I'm thankful for that, but I'm simply not ready to let her go.  I know I should be happy that she'll be with Grandpa again soon, and I know all the platitudes I've uttered to others when the need arose, but I'm lost right now, I feel like I'm just drifting, not really anchored. I'd like to say at least I have my faith, but I'm just now working on getting that back.  I'm not all the way there yet.  I don't know.  I know everyone goes eventually, just not sure I handle it.

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