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Man do I feel old...
Posted On 04/27/2008 21:28:29 by cgrantreed

Man is my life strange...

Its been said and pondered by many... did we chose our lives before we came or did we chose simple circumstances with fixed outcomes? I can't say that I have a crystal ball to sort that mess out but I do know one thing... my life just keeps getting stranger and more humbling each and every day.

I found out through a long chain of gossip network on one end and through the even longer chain of my own kids... who were not supposed to say anything BTW... that I am going to be a grandpa... at 36... by my daughter that said "I won't be having any kids until I am AT LEAST 20!". Hmmmmmmm Interesing. Kinda funny:-)

My oldest has estranged herself from me due to some strange and highly confused circumstances and its easier for her to ignore me than to deal with it right now. That is ok I guess. She has to live her own life and if she doesn't want me to be part of it I can't do anything about it. Someday...maybe... she will speak to me again. We shall see I guess. BUT... she is expecting and now I feel OLD!!! I still feel in my 20's, mentally anyway, and she is making MY grandparents... well, GREAT GREAT Grandparents. How often does that happen? Anyway...

I am happy for her. She needs to take her life by the horns and figure it out. I guess that jumping in with both feet is one way to do it. I would not have suggested it be this way but again... its her life to live. That is the beauty of Gods plan. We make our own decisions and live with their consequences. So... soon I will be a grandpa. Thats cool. Bring it on! I love her so very much and I pray for her daily. She is a good kid and I am proud of her. Hopefully she can do better with the same path that her parents walked... hopefully she can break the chain that destroyed my marriage.

I also found out that my son with Aspbergers is finally losing it. He has been on meds for a number of years now and they have had to start pushing him on more and different meds. He is having far more episodes of anger and violence... at the young age of 13... and it sounds like my wife is beginning to wonder if he won't have to be put in a group home. She didn't say that in as many words but it really sounds like she is not able to keep him under control anymore. Its really sad as this ramped up after they moved out... which I knew was going to happen but nobody cares what I think right now. I want to be part of his life but too many people are doing their government magic to keep us apart. I guess in all things Gods will be done. If He wants me there, He will provide a way.

My other two kids told my parents that they love me very much and they miss me TONS. That made my day too. Someday soon, hopefully, guys... someday soon.

My life is in Gods hands. I am His. I get it and i submit...completely...without doubt. I do truly get it. The harder i fight His will... the less my will is effective for anything but torment. So, I gave it ALL to God. I have been blessed beyond anything that i could have ever wanted and its all through HIM. There are still trials and indignities to come. I KNOW this to be true. That is ok. My testimony is stronger than anyone could ever take away. If I died tomorrow... I know that it was Gods will that I did so. He is so gracious. He is so loving. He is so patient... and He must have a great sense of humor.

Love to my kids... and even my soon to be ex-wife. You have all taught me a lot.

Grant



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Viewing 1 - 5 out of 5 Comments

From: Hemidakota
04/28/2008 09:23:20

You have truly mastered the weather. Thanks for sharing some personal items that always bring back reality to our earthly lives.

I am firm believer, through our FATHER's goal for us, we do pick our earthly arrival and location based on merits prior to this mortality. Something that was in my own personal PB.

HD

From: Aurorasungem
04/28/2008 07:16:32

Sometimes I find that through the trials that hurt the most, faith helps keep you together and helps you learn and understand more than you ever would about the plan heavenly father has for everything.  Things may be hitting rock bottom right now, but when times are darkest, that is when the light is shining the brightest if you keep looking for it.  It may seem that your daughter is turned away, but she never will forget you, as you are her dad, and things will change eventually if you keep her in your prayers.  Life is so full of blessings even when you cannot seem to see them right at the time they hit you.  Never doubt that.  If your son does end up in a home, maybe it will help with the trials he is having.  Some of those homes can do a full turn around on someone who cannot seem to find balance in their life, so do not look at it as a total negative.  It may be the best thing that happens with his life there to get him to pull together.  Do not despair though, things can turn around for everything, but it is in the good lords hands, and sometimes you just have to trust him and keep doing what you know is right.  You will find that often he works in ways that we cannot understand, but are the best ways to heal a broken part of life.  Sometimes the answer is no, but it is no for a good reason, maybe not one we understand, but one that is the best for later down the road.  I know that the good lord puts trials into life, and allows them to test us and give us experience.  That experience is something that can change lives for better or worse depending on our outlook and choices.  Maybe life may seem dark at the time, but if you focus on the good things, the things that bring light into it, such as giving service, listening to the good and wholesome things of the world, and doing the things that bring the light back, things do get better.  I cannot describe the change it makes in the heart and outlook in life.  Hang in there and best of blessings,


Maraleh

From: MaidservantX
04/27/2008 23:03:00

Saweet!  I can hardly wait to be a grandma myself! (Nothing in the works yet, of course.)

From: insertwittynamehere
04/27/2008 21:41:52

He only shows his sense of humor to those who can truly take it. Your capacity to withstand trials is great and therefore, that capacity will be met. He trusts you. You're amazing.


Thanks for the example,


Naomi



From: PedersenL
04/27/2008 21:40:54

Hi Grant, hope your situation improves over time.  I am still okay with my daughters.  Some days my oldest likes me and other days she does not.  The teenage years are so much fun.  Too bad about your divorce, but sometimes that happens.  Stay active in the church.  We do have a loving Father in Heaven.

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