A baby CRIES when he experiences a need, an unfulfilled one.  As adults we also often feel the cry inside.  When a need is unfulfilled, much if not all of our behavior can be characterized as signaling the emptiness of the need and crying for someone to feed us.

Sometimes our adult (including adolescent) signaling behavior is ineffective, or even produces the opposite effect of having possible "food sources" move away from us.  We also may find ourselves seeking for "food" from unclean sources.  (All of this would be an unconscious drive.)

Abraham Maslow had an unparalleled observation and conclusion -- that we must have our survival needs met fully first (food, water, shelter, etc) before we can operate on a, or even feel the needs of, higher psychological and spiritual levels.  When we are trying to minister to and heal ourselves, we must keep this principle in mind.

Something closely related to all of this is loneliness.  Each of us is massively LONELY.  Most of us are able to keep this feeling tucked away where it cannot overwhelm our functioning.  We are lonely for a mother's arms.  We are lonely for the realms of the Father.  we are lonely for someone to look into our eyes, to clap and be amazed at us (think of the call of the toddler who says to his parents "Watch Me!"  We all still have that.)  Most people do not experience a fulness of relationship (which is the healing of loneliness) even on a once-a-week basis, and this is true even among service-oriented Mormons.  This is not to say that a fulness of relationship/healing of loneliness never takes place -- but on a weekly basis?  Never.

Is it supposed to be like this?  Is this the lot of mortal life?  I honestly don't know.  I do feel that it can be better than it is, if we are willing to take small actions and learn to love and know one another.  Where Heavenly Father lives everyone knows one another fully and are seen and understood exactly (this is part of the nature of the celestial kingdom).  I have thought about that a lot and I feel that that would be heaven -- TO BE SEEN.  TO BE KNOWN.  To still be loved after being seen and known fully.

One of my friends struggled from time to time with feelings of suicide.  As we spoke, he shared with me something he had realized as to why these feelings arose inside himself.  "I won't have to miss anyone any more."  I understood immediately.  When someone we care for leaves, says good-bye (or doesn't!), for whatever reason -- we miss them.  A person in deep despair, even enough despair to think about suicide, is MISSING someone -- someone not pinpointed, anyone.  They lack all experience of relationship and being known and being loved.

I don't bring this up to get too gloomy.  We all have many blessings and sometimes all we need to do is acknowledge them.  Let me suggest though that, like a baby in its mother's arms, we all at any age need to be close enough to someone (someone safe) to touch them physically, psychologically, spiritually -- to have the boundary of where each of you leaves off and the other begins to be very thin.  This experience should be a daily reality.

We can take the initiative on this -- be someone who gives that kind of love to appropriate persons in our lives.  A lot of us have only our Father in heaven and our Savior to turn to for this kind of love, and that is all right also.  God is NEAR US.  God REMAINS WITH US, he is CLOSE BY.  All of us need God's love.  Well, he is always there then.  The connection is never complicated, always simple -- prayer, study, meditate, sing hymns, do some small service for another.  We can feel God's love.

[I wrote this is 1999. I do not present this writing as a representation of doctrine.  It is my own thoughts, feelings, study and belief -- or at least the condition it was in, in 1999.  I encourage you to not take my word for anything, but to do your own study, pondering, and asking of God.]

Tags: Communication Needs Crying Love Loneliness Mortality

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