I keep looking at the blogs lately and the atonement and forgiveness has been weighing on my mind.  I have struggled with keeping forgiving my ex for all of the terrible things he does and keeps doing.  I guess sometimes you have to put things in the lords hands.  I have born the brunt of my ex's nastiness for seven long years now.  I would think he would move on and get a life rather than keep finding ways to try to make mine miserable.  I guess it would not get to me so much if it were not for the fact that he is always punishing the kids for contacting me, talking to me, or taking away the things I give them in the most twisted and mean ways he can.  I know short term he is winning battles here on earth, but wow, my kids are going to grow to absolutely hate and detest him!  I actually in one sense feel sorry for him, as when they get older, they probably will want nothing to do with him.

Father put the plan of redemption on earth for a reason.  He gave us the chance to better ourselves, even if others do not wish to follow or change for the better.  I think I have come to understand more the reasons why he wants us to be strong and faithful during life.  It is for times when there are people who are out to cause harm, grief, pain or suffering, and who will not stop even if you try to be nice or understanding to them.  I have turned the other cheek so many times, my heart feels the bruises, but I keep trying to keep in contact with my kids and bide my time.  Patience will win out.  Meanwhile I get my life in order and fight him where I can with what I can.  His whole fight against me is based on provable lies, on stuff that is cleverly manipulated evidence, but very provably false.  I am looking for a new lawyer to attack the case right now.  I have three people that are so getting sued just to prevent them from ever doing this to anyone else again.  It is not a case of revenge, but setting things right again so that I can have the time I want with my family.  Since this is all based on lies, there is no way he can win that part of it.

It has been a long rough road for me.  In this last few years, I have lost my family, lost my health due to a combination of west nile, crohn's disease, spider bite, gall bladder surgery, and resection of my intestines.  I lost my house and regained a new place finally. I lost two of my cars to sabatoge, and just got a new one finally.  I lost most of what I own, and finally have replaced a lot of it.  What is I think a miracle in my life is that no matter what I lost, the good lord was there to help me through it.  My friends, family, and my faith kept me going.  In my life I have been shot at and had the bullet bounce off of a button on my coat knocking the wind out of me in the process.  It felt like someone hit me in the chest with a board or something full swing.  I was nearly drowned three times, I have been through serious car wrecks three times, I was almost murdered by one of my ex's.  I went through nightmare with someone I dated once who tried to rape me, then murdered his own kids and tried to kill himself a little over four months after I walked out on him.  That one still haunts me.  I lost my house as a child to arson fire.  I have been through three major floods in my life.  I was there after the teton dam broke as a child, I was in missouri when the area flooded there after the tornados, and I was in fort collins colorado when the floods went through there.  I was there when the fires went through three island park, and my dad was working as a ranger there.  I have been through three tornadoes, golf ball sized hail, lightning storms, earthquake, and understand just how hard things can be in life sometimes.  I have lost a sister to sids when she was about three weeks old.  I have watched people I know and love go through suicide, death by accident and murder.  I have known people that were butchered to death in the worst ways possible during a murder crime in Gooding Idaho.  And people ask me how in the world do you manage to keep going through all this?

The answer is faith.  God knows and understands it when things go wrong.  He knows when you are suffering, when you are lost, in pain, out in the rain and cold.  He knows when you are needing help and are lost.  He knows when the tears of the heart fall like rain, and the pain is all but unbearable, and he is right there, and I do mean right there crying right along with you.  You know why?  Because he knows and loves each and every one of you.  He knows, and he cares just exactly what happens to you, and is right there with you through it all.  You may not always listen or chose to listen to what he would say, but if you follow what he asks, the blessings there are incredible.  God knows and loves each and every one of us, his spirit is with us when we are doing the right things.  He underdstands what you are bearing, as he bore all pain in the garden of gethsemanae for us.  He knows every pain that was ever suffered in life.  I cannot imagine just how bad that must have been. 

God knows and understands.  That is part of the key of survival.  The faith and hope that he brings can light up the darkest night, and brighten the strongest storm or crisis.  No one is ever alone, or lost, or hurt, or even strayed without him knowing it.  His love and guidance is what helps through those dark times, what gives strength and courage to go on and face the fears of life.  He gave his life for us that we might have a second chance, the chance to come home again someday to heaven.  Faith is the key to overcoming the evils and darkness of life. 

There is always hope, always a way through, and always second chances in life.  I have seen enough and been through enough to know that there is always hope, and that Heavenly father is watching out for us.  We may not understand why always that we have to go through things, but there is always a reason and a plan behind things.  Sometimes it is even to allow the evil ones of life the chance to prove which path once and for all that they will take in life, to stand as evidence in the last day of what they have become.  Freedom of choice is there to allow people to pass or fail the test of life.  God is there to help put lives back together again around those who choose badly and those whose lives are affected by it.  No one is alone, and God knows exactly what each person is going through or bearing.  He will be there if you ask and follow him.  I know.  He has always been there for me when I have needed him the most. 

Never let the darkness get you down.  Things do change if you keep doing what is right.  I know this and I know God has a plan for me or I would not be here today.  The fact that I am still here is a miracle by itself.  I know he lives, he loves us and wants us to follow the pathway back home.  Keep that path and hold on well.  Best of blessings,

Maraleh

Tags: Faith Hope Love Savior Understanding Grief Pain Suffering Hope Love Chance

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