Have you ever looked at someone and immediately summed them up just by the way they look?  I think many of us are guilty of such shallow judgements.  I have come across a few discussions where I have heard stunningly, beautiful girls have been ripped apart just because they don't fit the molly mould.  And have seen, heard and felt the damage that causes.

All my life I've had to try and defend my integrity and dignity, but the biggest blow came a few years ago when my own sister threw the most hurful accusations at me.  I was accused of trying to take her husband and family away from her, this wound is struggling to heal, but life goes on.  Not long after that rumours and accusations came from friends within my ward, those who were supposed to know me told me they don't trust me..... well my world pretty much fell apart.I found myself an outcast, too scared to even be seen leaving my house. 

One sunday morning I sat at the back of the chapel during sacrement and an overpowering feeling of sadness came over me.  I looked around me at the people I thought I knew well, the tears still sting when I remember that day, cause for the first time I felt like I didn't belong there. 

I decided to stand back and become invisible,  it took two years before they moved on to the next victim.  And while rumours move on and out, I still stand alone.  The damage done is at times too big for me to even try pick up.  Have you ever had a testimony but could not bring yourself to share it?  Right now, mine is so hidden that sometimes I'm not sure if it's really there.  

But I do have a testimony,  I know God lives as does His Son Jesus Christ.  And I take comfort knowing that He knows me, and knows the real me and not the rumours.  He has blessed me over and over again, I see it in my children.  Despite my errors I have been told he loves me still.  I love the way He protects my Heavenly Mother from harmful mouths.  I pray I'll be able to gain what I packed away so long ago. I'm just sorry I've allowed others to push me into a corner.

This journey I walk is a lonely one, cause nobody knows....who I am.  I miss the real me.  

Tags: Lonely Journey

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