You are such a beautiful soul.  I don't know why I couldn't see that at the time.

Shane,

Well, I finally got through your blog, :)  We hurt because we are so painfully human and you can never make a clean break from your ex because of the children you share.  We are never whole until we share the love in our selves that was meant for two.  It isn't much advice, because I have never felt whole and cry over that, but it takes time and love to heal.  I believe that time and a good woman to love will heal your broken heart who you don't fall for to get into bed, but to get into her Spirit and her soul, and when she is found, you will heal and never look back.  It's so difficult to be spiritual beings in these mortal bodies of ours.  It sounds like you are on the path, though, and pray for her.  Maybe you should just pray for your children and she will find her own way eventually someday.

Adelle :)

Shane,

What you are going through is grief. Think of this separation and divorce like it is a death. It is you know, the death of your marriage. NOT the death of your family. You are a parent and will always be a parent, death doesn't change that ever.

Also you are probably also going through a lot of guilt too. Some of it is justified, a lot of it is NOT. All the emotions you are feeling are honest emotions. It is okay to have them, just don't let them take over and rule you.

It would do you good to get counseling- to help you go through all the steps of this grief. If your Bishop can not help you to find an LDS faith based help, then get out the phone book and start making phone calls and when you call to set up an appointment tell the receptionist that you prefer to have a Christian faith based Dr. That your faith is paramount in your life, that you live, breath, eat, sleep and worship 24/7, and that the Dr needs to be in tune to that. Remember it is YOUR money that is paying him/her, so you really are in charge.

I left my husband, so I really didn't have that much grief. I had regrets and I fought 24/7 to keep from being bitter and turn into a man hating woman. I couldn't find counseling, not for any amount of money, so I turned to my Home Teachers and my Branch President. When I felt that the bitterness was seeping in, I called for Priesthood Blessing Help. I kept a journal that was strictly for airing my hatred and bitterness- purge it from me and put it on paper. No one has ever read that journal. The time is getting near where I will burn that journal. It will be a glorious day when I do!

As for your ex turning the children against the Church, the only way to combat that is to hold fast to the iron rod. Do what is right, and to not push, shove or force the Church onto the children. Live your life close to the teachings of the Church, uphold your Priesthood, if you are endowed go to the Temple on a regular basis and go to heal yourself and your children. Put their names on the temple roll. If you are not endowed, work towards that goal and receive your endowments.

Pray for their mother, your ex. Pray for her heart to be softened, pray for her safety. That is what I did for my ex. He was abusive, and I was told again and again in my blessings to always pray for him. Pray with love in my heart for him. WOW was that hard- but I knew I had to. Each time I did, it became easier and easier. I admitted out loud to Father that I didn't like my ex, I didn't love him, but I knew that You had commanded me to love him. OK- help me to love him, help me to stop hating him, help me to banish the evil thoughts I have of doing him bodily harm.

Each time I prayed, I was strengthened. It became easier and easier to ask for blessings for my ex. I no longer hate him or despise him. He is a child of God too and must be loved. I detest the things he did to me, and is doing to himself and others. I detest his sins, but I do love him. I love him because he is a child of God.

Do things with your children. Ask them what they want to do and really listen to them and do what they would like, within reason that is. It doesn't always have to be a Church based activity. If your ward is having a pot luck, then let the kids know and see if they want to join you. If they say no, don't magnify your disappointment. Be the Good Guy parent. You can do this without spending big bucks on them- but instead by investing your time, energy and all your attention on them.

Be active in your ward, and don't dwell on being a single parent. Immerse yourself with the fellowship of the members. I was fortunate that my Branch had more single sisters (widowed, divorced, etc.) than married couples- so I was basically swallowed up by the single sisters and loved by them until I my heart, soul/spirit was healed. UN-fortunately there was only two single brothers that were over the age of 40. One was in his 50's and rather slimy and the other was mentally challenged- he was a nice guy, he just had the social abilities of a 7 year old.

Had I lived closer to the Stake Center, I would have gone to as many of the Stake sponsored events as they had.

Give yourself time to heal. Plenty of time. You will know when it is time to start looking for your eternal companion.

I met mine in 2004. We got married Aug 2004, sealed May 2006. He is now 66 years old, was married 3X before and pretty much figured he was never going to get married again. He was looking for a friend, not a mate. I am now 56, and I didn't want to get married again- I just wanted a priesthood holding friend. I was fed up with the non-LDS men in my town and the LDS men I knew and respected were married. I love and adore them AND their wives. But I wanted a single LDS man, who held and honored his priesthood keys, who was temple worthy and ACTIVE in church to be my friend. I found that in my husband, and so much more.

Actually Father found him and brought us together- and we gladly and joyously give Him all credit and thanks.

I pray that you will find comfort and the guidance Shane.

With Love in Christ

Iggy

unfortunately, change is often painful.  I was very much into men bashing after Kevin and I split up...and I never wanted to date again because I was so hurt over the fact that he had made me so many promises, I had given him a second chance after he spanked Derek...It has taken almost two years to be able to let him go completely.  About a year ago I decided that I had to start making some changes in my life.  I had to decide whether the church was what I wanted, and what kind of person I was going to date if I dated again.  I decided only to date members, and I decided that I was only going to accept someone who was going to accept my past from the get go.  They had to be willing to accept my son, realize that I regret my past, and be willing to accept the person that I am now, not that I was then.  I decided that I needed to start building my own testimony.  I had never gone to churhc for the Right Reasons--When I was a kid, it was a social thing, that is where my friends were and my parents went to church, so I went by default.  then as a teenager, I wanted to go to girls camp and youth conference, dances, etc.  After Derek died I did not go for a long time except when mom and dad dragged me.  Life got bad.  Very bad.  When I went back, I went because it was what my mom wanted.  Then I went because I knew it was good for Derek.  Until a year or so ago, I decided that if I was ever going to let go of the resentment, I had to decide if the church was true for myself.  when I did, I set out to correct my wrongs--not dating outside the church, not cursing, overall, being  a better person.  at least I hope I am.  slowly I am letting go of the pain and resentment and realizing that Kevin was an abusive Jerk, and I can do better.  His problems are not my problems, and I am learning to let that go.  I know that in time you will let your pain go too.  I also know that it takes awhile, and unfortunately, there is not much to dull the pain in the meantime.  It helps to have good friends to lean on when you need a shoulder.  I happen to know that you have a GREAT branch for that (not to sound cocky or anything...:0) Hehe)

During my divorce, I had similar feelings. I slowly started to see the woman that I gave 15 years to, turn into the woman thateveryone else saw. I was lonely, broke, and missing my son. What hurt the most was how quickly she moved on. She was seeing someone else a month later. It took me 3 years before I was completely over her.

This woman broke your heart, and that takes time to heal. Take the time to heal.

I know it will get better, I've been there. I found my eternal companion, and we are celebrating 1 year together next month. You'll find yours, but first you must heal.

Good Luck to you.

Don't allow these feelings overwhelm you at anytime. I have faith
that you will come off conquering these trials. For you, there is so
much you can add in building the kindgom of GOD here upon this earth
and raising an awesome family in these latter days.

I can see how tuff it will for a small moment in morality
seeing what had happen but those trials in the end will give up their rewards.
Perseveer my brother....GOD bless

Your friend, HD