"Letter to Me" by Brad Paisley

If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17
First I'd prove it's me by saying look under your bed
There's a Skoal can and a Playboy no one else would know you hid
And then I'd say I know it's tough
When you break up after seven months
And yeah I know you really liked her and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare

And oh you got so much going for you, going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
She wasn't right for you
And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to write this letter to me

At the stop sign at Thompson and Eighth
Always stop completely, don't just tap your breaks
And when you get a date with Bridgett, make sure the tank is full
On second thought forget it, that one turns out kinda cool
Each and every time you have a fight
Just assume you're wrong and daddy's right
And you should really thank Miss Brinkman
She spent so much extra time
It's like she sees the diamond underneath
And she's polishin' you 'til you shine

And oh you got so much going for you, going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
Tonight's the bonfire rally
But you're staying home instead because if you fail Algebra
Mom and dad will kill you dead
Trust me you'll squeak by and get a C
And you're still around to write this letter to me

You've got so much up ahead
You'll make new friends
You should see your kids and wife
And I'd end by saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life

I guess I'll see you in the mirror
When you're a grown man
P.S. go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can

And oh you got so much going for you, going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
I wish you'd study Spanish
I wish you'd take a typing class
I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be
I'd say have a little faith and you'll see

If I could write a letter to me

So I was listening to this song on the way home from school today. I haven't posted in a really long time so before I tell my thoughts from the song, I should probably post a bit of an update. I've been hanging out with a bunch of new people lately. It all kind of started when a few of us went to Denny;s after a service project at the beginning of summer. Anyway, so I've been hanging out with a bunch of people and have been really busy. Last week alone, we went to the beach on monday, six flags on tuesday, breakfast and swimming and midnight showing on thursday, and dance and party on friday. Out of the bunch, Tom and I have gotten pretty close. He's 19 and just turned in his papers. He's extremely good looking and is way fun and we have a great time together.. but reason keeps me from "liking" him. We just have a good time together and enjoy being together, I guess? Seriously, we just chill and have good conversation and we're comfortable. I've thought that he's becoming my best friend.. so that's a good way to describe our relationships. "Best friends are happy doing nothing together".. or something like that. Anyway, so in the midst of all this, I've been real social and making lots of friends.. and meeting lots of guys. I've realized qualities I want in my husband that Daniel didn't have when he left... and a lot of them I was aware of before, I had just brushed them aside. For example, I want a leader. I want a man that won't just focus on making me happy.. but will put his foot down and just tell me how it's gonna be once in a while. I also want a man that, though spiritual, is comfortable with my dad and family. I'm soooo comfortable with Daniel's family.. I'm PART of the family. We hang out and chat as if I was the youngest sibling/daughter. When Daniel is with my family, he's silent with his hands in his pocket. I mentioned this to a friend and she mentioned that boys are immature before the mission and don't really become "men" until they've come back. Who knows if Daniel will come back and absolutely be able to have a good time and interact with my family? He may. I just know that's what I want. I also want a guy who is comfortable being sporty. Tom plays airsoft and skates and does boy things. Lol. Like me.. I paintball, jet ski, tube, wakeboard, scuba.. its a blessing and a privilige that I live the way I live.. and I know not everyone has the chance.. but Daniel knows nothing of any of it. I know people will read this and tell me I'm being too picky and that I'll never meet anyone who meets my "standards".. but I say you're wrong. There are plenty of guys that have an innate "chillness".. rather than overall timidity and shyness.. and I'd simply like the former rather than the latter.

   Sooo.. I've been thinking all these things.. and then on top of all that, Daniel hasn't written me in going on 3 weeks. I've found that I'm just not connected to him like I once was.. I want the connection, but 18 months is a long time. I've adjusted to life without him.. and now my life is just that, life without him. It's the norm to not have a boyfriend.. to not have Daniel. I've taken on a sort of apathetic attitude toward his homecoming. If we work, we work.. if we dont.. my life wont be any different than what it is now. I was content with this attitude until just recently.. 

   I was telling a friend the story of me and Daniel.. she asked a lot of questions and in answering, I got to reminiscing and remembering our relationship, the depth of our connection, and just the fact that he really is my best friend. For a few brief moments, I had an understanding of the depths of our connection.. our intimacy.. our knowledge of each other.. and I had no doubt that we’ll work. I just picture his face and his smile.. our long talks.. the warmth of being in his arms.. the perfection with which I fit into them.. there’s just something that makes me safe and comfortable.. that makes me happy... that makes me know it's right. I can't imagine someone ever being able to know me as well as Daniel knows me.. and it's hard for me to imagine that I could ever want to please someone as much I want to please Daniel. 

So this is where the song comes in. It came on the radio on my way home from school tonight, and tears came to my eyes as I listened. I know I'm not 17.. but I still can't see past Friday night. I have no idea what the future holds. I'm wondering if I'll survive.. but I'll make it through. I'm having fun now and meeting all kinds of people, but in the end.. they'll just be part of my past and my present and future will be most important. "You've got so much up ahead... You should see your kids and wife, And I'd end by saying have no fear, These are nowhere near the best years of your life." No, but they'll come.. and I'm way excited for them.

I think that's enough for now.. I've got a whole heap of things to say.. but that'll do.. "That'll do Donkey. That'll do." --Shrek 

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