This is my first blog, so be patient with me please.

I am currently attending a Book of Mormon Study group that is moving really slow and digging deep into the scriptures.  We are using the book by Bro. Ridges, Book of Mormon made easier.  The class is wonderful and I am learning so much, and the one thing that has really struck me lately is how much I am like Nephi's brothers Laman and Lemuel. Actually I think that most of us are like them.  We are always trying to find the easy way to follow the gospel.  I try to take short cuts, or bend things to meet my needs and wants. 

I spent my childhood in a very abusive home being molded into the "perfect little girl" that never did anything wrong, never spoke, didn't have an opinion.  The right and wrong was dictated by my Parents and if you didn't believe this and live this you were beat into submission.  As I became an Adult I had a hard time in the real world because I believed everthing was in black and white.  I have spent years learning how to recognize the grey areas in life and accepting that grey is an exceptable color of live, and that their are even blues,green, yellow, and reds.

Now that I have allowed all the colors and opinions into my life, I am now struggling to live the black and white life of the gospel.  I love the gospel, and I love my life when I am choosing the right, but I keep getting innundated with things that temp me to bend the rules.  Why am I so week now?  I have been a member for 13 years, is their a 13 year itch?  I pray to stay strong, I remember that I need to set a good example for my son, and I work really hard to do the right things, but I am still feeling very restless.

Marty

Tags: Scriptures Book Of Mormon

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