Okay, I'm not generally one to complain, but I have to let it out sometimes. And this way, if you don't care to know, you don't have to read about it.

I've had a very difficult past two years. I was living with my inlaws and husband and daughter. The stress of that situation would have been okay for a few months, but we'd been there a year and a half by the time I left. They yelled and swore over the stupidest little thing. And my husband's brother lived there too. He was 28, had no job and was addicted to crack, and sometimes he'd start a fist fight if he didn't get his way.

We had planned to have our second child, thinking that we'd be able to move out before she was born. That didn't happen. On top of that, our oldest daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

I was working full time through our entire marriage. My husband had two part time jobs for a combined total of 4 months. I don't mind working, but I wanted to spend more time with my babies. Moreover, I had no say in how our money was spent. If I disagreed, there'd be an argument and I'd cave in anyway. I learned that with him, my opinions didn't matter at all. That just added to the stress. We never saved any money and weren't able to afford to move out. Near the end I was working two jobs and we still didn't have any money to spare.

There came a point where I realized that I would be better alone. Even if I never found anyone else to be with and I died alone, I'd be better off. I stayed with him through the holidays and left Jan. 2nd of 2008. I took the baby with me and had to leave our oldest with him. As much as it pained me to leave her, I knew with her medical condition that she needed to be monitored by a specialist and be covered by medical insurance. I couldn't take her with me then.

I lived with my baby at my parents' house and was pretty happy for several months. Then my ex did what he promised he wouldn't. He took my baby from me. I'm out of state and I didn't have a lawyer and I wasn't informed about the court date. So he was awarded custody of both children. I now have a lawyer and am getting another custody hearing. But I feel like a piece of me is missing. I miss my daughters more than I can even express. I love them so much it hurts.

And in the meantime, I'm dating a guy who won't commit to a relationship and who says we have no future. He makes me happy when we're together, but I'd like some hope that he's not just going to dump me when something better comes along. I dunno.

I do believe that things will work out okay in the future... it's just really hard in the here and now.

Bookmark: