Do you ever feel anxious and don't know why? I've felt that way the past several days. It could be anxiety about my future. Generally I like to have a general plan about what I want and work towards that. But at this point everything in my future hinges on whether I get my kids back or not. If I am able to get them back, I will likely stay here in rural Utah for quite some time. My mom is willing to watch both of them while I work and I've got most of my family here for support.

However, if I am unable to get them back, I think I'll move out to the city. It's much too hard in a small town where everyone knows all about your business and reminds you of it constantly. I generally try not to think about my girls too much. It's much too painful. I try to stay busy so I don't dwell on it. I know it's probably not the healthiest way to do things, but it's all I can handle right now. But I haven't been to church in two months because I don't want everyone asking me about my baby. I'd just start to cry. And everything here reminds me of her.

So I guess I'm hoping that feeling anxiety is just because of the uncertainty of my future. I'm really hoping that it's not a feeling of impending doom. A warning that something really bad is about to happen. But I don't know how to tell which it is. I guess that's why I've been blogging so much lately. To try and figure it out. Hmm.

Tags: Uncertainty

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