Ok I finally got up the courage and the time to write about myself and my trial and tribulations.

First off I was born into the church meaning my mom and dad were members but were never sealed. I was baptised 7 times. YeS! you read that right! It took 7 dunks to get me baptised. 3 times I fought because I was(am) afraid of water. The other 3 times was because the Elder forgot the words. 7th time worked and I looked like a drowned rat LOL!! Moving on...... I attended off and on as a child with my mom who was divorced and remarried to a nonmember. I started going regularly when I was 14 years old and attended youth conferences and dances and such. I met a guy at the Troy State (Alabama) youth conference who I became good friends with and later married outside of the temple). He was the ideal Mormon boy. He was looked up to at his church by the younger guys. We were happy together but we had a bad habit of going off and on to church (laziness) til one day he started paying attention to porn and RPG more than the good things in life. He did things and I did things that tore us apart. He is now in another state and remarried. I met another guy that I went to school with and started dating him. I eventually moved in with him (I know Bad Girl!! lol) We got married that next year. I honestly believe I married him to keep my ex husband from being able to come back to me. I remarried before he did and I refused to let him talk or see me for 2 years. Anyway.... this man was also a nonmember but he let me attend church. I went off and on yet again to church. I was dealing with some very bad sins then and I felt unworthy but I kept believing that someday I would forgive and be forgiven and go back to where I longed to be. I missed the church badly but I was worried about how they would accept me.

I was into things that would rip your soul apart and I actually felt it was ok to do them because it was my life and I didnt care what happened. i degraded myself to make my man happy and I will never do it again. I watched bad movies and cussed and hated myself for it. I would even pick at myself til I started to bleed. I was one person on the inside but I showed a different person on the outside. I went along with things that I knew were wrong because they make it look so innocent. I commited adultry with permission.... Weird huh?

Don't do as I have done and if you have...STOP!! You are kidding yourself that it is ok!! It is not ok and you are hurting yourself by doing it! The media make it seem like everybody is doing it but that is just what they want you to think.

I firmly believe that if I had not been date-raped at 17 ...I would have waited til marriage and went to the temple. Girls!! don't let yourself get into a situation that you do not want to be in. Don't give in and if you have....repent and be made whole again by living they way you should. I know from experience that you are in charge of your body and no one has the right to make you do anything you feel is wrong!

If he loves you.. he will respect you and wait. Giving in..changes you and your aspect on things.

I realized that my new husband was in love with something that I could not compete with, VODKA and carnal things and I could not deal with his drunkeness or lewdness any longer so I left him after 4 years of marriage. I got a small apartment for me and my 2 sons (first marriage) and we struggled but we were happy. I had a good friend who's parents lived across from my ex (2nd one) and he ended up being hubby #3 (more on this later) He was great and I fell in love with him. (Yes Nonmember!!) LOL We were very happy we had a brand new home, 2 new cars and I had a great job. He was set up by a supposed friend and lost his job that he had for 9 years. He started having violent mood swings and we fought alot. I'm talking fist fights from Hades. I went to counseling and nothing worked. I got put on medication to deal with him and that did not work. Finally, he was seen by a doctor that told us what was wrong with him. He is Bipolar and he had to be put on meds to help him. They say it was when he lost his job that he started having episodes. One day.. we were fussing about something and he was about to put on his deodorant. He hit me in the head with it and it cut me. I bled all down my face and it stunned me so I sat in the floor bleeding and crying. I was rushed to the ER where I made up a story and they glued my head up. We also had bad bouts of debt. He would get credit cards and spend money all the time. We almost lost our home twice due to foreclosure. I even got involved with payday loans and that got out of control. One day things were so bad that I just broke down and prayed and cried. I was about to lose my home and my car. I had been helped by my mom 2 times already and she could not help me anymore. I called my bishop (I was attending church at that time) and he helped me. They gave me food from the welfare service to help me make my payments. They also counseled me and forgave me of my past sins. We also had our missionaries over alot to help us to cope. I will say this... We filed bankruptcy chpt 13. We now have one big payment instead of 3. This will be paid over 5 years. My hubby also changed. He became who he used to be and attended church with me. He enjoys being there and he feels a feeling there like nothing he has ever experienced before. He was baptised July 6th 2008 and we attend regularly and we are both happy again. We still fuss but now we pray with each other instead of fighting.

sometimes you gotta go through HELL to get to Heaven.....

Now I attend regularly. I pray on my way to work daily (people probably see me talking and think I'm nuts or on a bluetooth lol!! )  We may not manage our money too wisely but we do try. I have finally read all of the BOM and i'm currently reading D&C. I owe alot to our missionaries they helped me to get over my lack of self worth and gain something precious.... My Testimony!!

comments and questions welcome..

Tags: Life Bipolar

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