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Self Discovery
Posted On 10/05/2008 08:51:19 by Tough Grits

So, I discovered something about myself.

 

I have never liked it when somebody would say, "I need to go find myself".

 

How did they lose themselves? How do you forget who you are? What kind of silliness is that to say such a statement?

 

Well, the last laugh is on me.  It always is, so no big shocker there. 

 

More and more, I find myself wondering who I am.  No, this is not a spiritual matter.  Spiritually I know exactly who I am.

 

And this is not mid-life crisis...I am only 34.  Yes, I am happily married, I have two wonderful children, a beautiful home, income, and I enjoying the opportunity to receive a higher education right now.

 

The real question is this...why am I going to college? Who or what do I want to be?

 

I have always been a chameleon.  Whatever I am doing at the moment is what I want to be...until I get bored and find something else to do, and then that is what I want to be.

 

Sort of like the callings I have been given in the church.  Whenever I get a new one, I throw myself completely into it.  I do the best jam-up job that I can.  Then, once I feel i have magnified myself and the calling, and once I have hammered out every detail that needed hammering, then I find myself bored.  I want a new challenge.

 

How can I make a decision in college about what I want to be FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, when I have never been any one thing for a long period of time??????

 

In my life I have been in management in retail and fast-food, I have been a bank teller, I have been a secretary, a personnel manager, an office assistant (not a secretary in this case), and a paraprofessional at an elementary school.

 

At each of these jobs, my best assets have been a strong work ethics, good organizational skills, out-going personality, and an ever-present desire to move up and be more and do more.

 

And yet, I eventually got bored at each of these jobs.  Except for parapro...I am still doing this one...and I have a new position that is wearing me out right now.  But I know this job won't last, because I know I don't want to be a parapro for the rest of my life only making 15k per year.

 

My major in college right now is Sociology.  I am going broad with my degree, so that more doors will open to me...which, for me, is good...because of my free spirit.

 

I am hoping to be a college professor.  But how do I know that is who I am? Or how do I know if that is who I should be?

 

Do other people have it this hard figuring out "who they are"??????

 

Such a dumb question on the surface, but it really isn't.

 

When I am sitting in my World Lit. class, I am thinking about how I could SOOO be a World Lit. professor.  When I was in my Humanities class, I thought about how I could SOOO be a Humanities professor.

 

I could be a writer.  I could be an editor, as I find mistakes ALL the time in books and novels (even my textbooks at college).  I could be a teacher.  I could be a secretary/receptionist.  I could be a bank teller.  I could be...anything...and yet would anything satisfy me?

 

What kind of degree do they offer for hard-working, dedicated, intelligent, and out-going free-spirits?

 

Okay, seriously...I am looking for feed-back here.  Any kind of feed-back will do.  Even if it is to say that you had a hard time picking your own major/job/identity as well.

 

~TG



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Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 Comments

From: Tough Grits
10/07/2008 19:56:21

Okie Dokie.


 


So, the self-discovery continues.  Something happened today at the most unexpected moment.


 


Those who do not have homerooms at the elementary school that I work at have to rotate standing on duty in the mornings every other week.  This week is my turn.  I was talking to another parapro while on duty this morning.  I have NO clue what we were even talking about.


 


She said, "I wouldn't go back to that again for the world."  I had no clue what she was talking about, but she continued, "Working late and not getting home until after 6 pm.  I don't make hardly anything as a parapro, but it is worth it to be home when my kids are home."


 


Then two things struck me quite profoundly.


 


1. I remembered that I was working because I had to.  My income, low though it may be, feeds our family during these desperate times.


 


2. I chose this particular job (paraprofessional at an elementary school) because it allows me to put food on the table without missing any time with my children at home, on weekends, during holidays, or during the summer.


 


DUH.  That was why I had chosen to be a teacher in the first place.  It would still give me the income that we need (but at a MUCH higher salary than I am making now) and it would allow me to have the same hours, holidays, and summer vacation as my kids.


 


My primary concern is, and always has been, my little family.  This window of childhood with my children is a very small one.  I want to be there for them.  I can't guarantee that any other job will allow me to have the same hours that I currently have.


 


Sure, there will be headaches with being an early education teacher, but all jobs have headaches attached to them.


 


Once I get my degree and begin teaching, then I can be there at ballgames for my kids, or dance recitals, or whatever else it is that they want to do.


 


Maybe I could even write a few novels or children's books during my summers off.


 


I love teaching, and I know that I would be a good elementary teacher. 


 


What happened to make me change my major? Was it a mental hiccup? Was it frustration at work?


 


I don't know.  But I do know that nothing matters more to me than my little family and I want to be there for all the important moments, and being a teacher will allow me to be there during the times that they need me most.


 


*SIGH*


 


I think I found my answer.


 


I could always go back to college for something else once Bubba is out of the house.  Sure, I will be 47 by then, but why would that stop me?????


 


This feels right.  I guess my compass just needed to be recalibrated!!!!


 


~TG



From: Elphaba
10/06/2008 20:44:52

Hi Tough,


 


I'm glad you liked my post, and don't worry, the 'barracuda" in me didn't even notice your typos.


 


In fact, I just about died when you called me the "barracuda." You are so funny.


 


However, I stand by my post, and am convinced you are a good writer. It takes an intuitive knowledge of how the words sort of float on the page, if that makes sense. There's a rhythm to it, that without it, people would have a very difficult time reading the author.


 


You have that intuitive knack of the flow.


 


I worried about me saying what I did about sociology. You know yourself better than I, and if that resonates with you, then you do what YOU want to do. I admit, I am a know-it-all who tries very hard to be there for my friends, but who also tends to try and solve their issues. Bad Elphaba!


 


Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed my post, and that you find that major that will put the fire under you, and will also bring you peace.


 


Oh, and thank you for the compliments. I really try to respect everyone's beliefs here, and would feel terrible if someone had doubts because of me. One day a woman sent me a PM because she was having doubts, and I wouldn't talk to her. I do not want to have anything to do with someone losing a testimony.


 


In fact, I take great pride in Ghostwriter's and Pushka's baptisms! I really encouraged both of them to join, as they both were in dire need of peace and belonging, especially Pushka. So, I call myself the best missionary on the site!


 


Okay, I do have one more suggestion that I think would help you determine if you're writing is good or not. Can you take a College English course there? Or a creative writing course? I think you would enjoy them immensely, and your talent would shine through.


 


Again, I can't wait to read your story.


 


Love, the Barracuda



From: Tough Grits
10/06/2008 15:51:49

Elphaba,


 


Thank you for taking the time to write all that you did.  I am humbled by your words!!!!


 


Thanks for your comments about my writing.  I started writing my first book (a science fiction book) when I was in my very early teens.  I tore it all to shreds before I got to the last few chapters.  I have always been very insecure about my writing.


 


Thank you for being so generous in your comments.  I noticed after I had posted my blog, that there were quite a few typos and such...but I could not go back and edit my blog-post like I can with a regular post.  It just drove me nuts seeing those mistakes sitting there on the cold, hard screen.


 


I wonder if my desire to write only comes from my insatiable thirst for reading.  Maybe I am once again trying to mimic something I like!


 


I like your ideas though! I do want to help people, and I have always loved psychology and sociology...but again, I could just be mimicking my father who was always teaching me to "analyze" people and situations since I was very young.


 


I am in Algebra right now waiting for the instructor to arrive...I will write more when I get home.  But I wanted to address your comment right away.  Thank you.


 


Your words truly brought comfort and peace to my soul. 


 


PS ~ The computer in this room does not have a spell-check..so, barracuda, please forgive any errors that you may find!!!!! LOL LOL


 


PSS ~ I will find out tonight what I got on my algebra mid-term.  I am SO nervous!!!!!!!!!! 



From: Elphaba
10/05/2008 22:12:37


Quote:
How can I make a decision in college about what I want to be FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, when I have never been any one thing for a long period of time??????
It’s been twenty years since I had to agonize about this, and I feel your pain. Truly, I do!


 


I have a few suggestions that might give you food for thought (or you can toss them if you want). To discuss each of them, I’m going to take your post out of order.


 


Publishing



Quote:
I could be a writer. I could be an editor, as I find mistakes ALL the time in books and novels (even my textbooks at college).
Doesn’t this make you crazy? It makes me insane; however, it is nice to find a friend who is as anal as I am about it!


 


I don’t know if you know this, but my career was in publishing, where I had a reputation for being the ā€œbarracuda!ā€ of some of the different publishing worlds I inhabited. I mention this to show you that I recognize good publishing skills when I see them, and to say I think you have a very good talent for using words to their best effect.


 


You are a very good writer: you are concise, and your sentences and paragraphs are sequential and easy to read. Your paragraphs contain very basic thesis statements that lay the groundwork for the next thesis statement (paragraph) that ultimately creates the whole of the ā€œsubject matter.ā€ This is not an easy thing for most people to do.


 


Additionally, I have noticed you have a knack for readability; that is, you know how to make your comments easy for any of us to read, even when your subject is a bit more difficult to explain. Not many people have this innate ability to recognize if a document’s readability is effective or not. But I think if you went into publishing, you would excel at it.


 


Another suggestion that is tied into writing would be a curriculum developer/ demonstrator/trainer. If you can get your foot in the door of one of these companies, you will have a chance to wear many different hats, and be paid quite well in the process.


 


For example, you could work for a software developer that designs custom-fit software to me a company’s very specific needs. One example could be a library software, perhaps to replace an obsolete software.


 


Your job would be to design curriculum for the software, including writing and directing videos, power


point presentations, hands on demonstrations, etc. You would use any training tool at your disposal to develop the most effective curriculum possible.


 


Next, whenever a company is interested in your software product, you would be the one to demonstrate it to your clients. This would include fielding the questions that would be best answered by you because of your expertise.


 


Finally, you would go to the company’s place of business, set up the computers, software, and any media youā€˜ve brought along. You would use your curriculum you’ve already developed, including competencies that must be mastered before the employee can rise to the next step. Then you would get train the employees how to use the software.


 


I think this would be an excellent option for you, as, like I said before, you are an excellent writer, you are very personable, and you enjoy a challenge. The position I described above is always changing as new software (or other product) is developed. I doubt you would ever be bored with this one. I know I wasn’t.


 


Sales


The other suggestion I had was sales technology. You are very personable and gregarious, which is an absolute must in sales. And obviously there are innumerable sales positions anywhere you go, but when I was reading your post I thought of you being a buyer, say for a department store, or a shoe brand, or something along those lines.


 


I suppose the instructor in sales technology would make a world of difference when choosing whether to


go into sales or not. In 1989 I was the editor of my college’s newspaper, and I’d be sitting there working when all of my ā€œkidsā€ would come in from the sales technology class, just dancing and laughing and prancing everywhere. The instructor was wonderful, and most of them did go on and be successful in sales. Depending on what your product is, ā€œfree spiritsā€ can do very well in sales.


 


It is difficult to become a buyer, and most of them I know worked their way up, sometimes from the floor. But with your degree behind you, and if this is what you wanted to do, I would just rap on every personā€˜s door until they listened to me.


 



Quote:
My major in college right now is Sociology. I am going broad with my degree, so that more doors will open to me...which, for me, is good...because of my free spirit.
In my opinion, and this is MY opinion only, sociology is not that broad; in fact, I think it is limiting. The exception would be if you were going on to a master’s program to be a therapist or social worker. Honestly, though, I think you would get tired of that very fast; however, if you love working and helping people, then that might be just the thing you’re looking for.


 


However, if you have no intention of being a social worker or therapist, I would change majors. I would even become a Communications major rather than social worker. Of course, it depends on what you ultimately decide to do, but a communications major helps you to excel, personally and in print, and teaches you to engage whatever audience you desire.


 


Communications is also an excellent major if you plan on going forward with a master’s degree. It is about as broad as you can get, and I’ve even seen law schools that accept communications majors.


 


The communications major is sometimes thought of as a joke, and the truth is, the class work is oftentimes not as challenging as it should be. But the fact is, it’s generic enough that, no matter what career you finally choose, you will have the skills needed to interact successfully with people, both in your personal and professional lives.


 


Perhaps someone here knows otherwise, but it was my experience that, when applying for jobs, all I had to have was the degree. No one ever looked at it, nor did they ask me about it. I had worked my butt off to get straight A’s, knowing I was going to go into a master’s program, only to discover the choosing committee was put off by straight A’s. It said it showed a lack of balance in one’s life, and I’ve come to discover that is true. I would never spend the amount of time and anxiety I did to get all of those A’s again. It was NOT worth it.


 



Quote:
I am hoping to be a college professor. But how do I know that is who I am? Or how do I know if that is who I should be?
You probably already know this, but all new professors hired by a university must have their PhDs now. It used to be you only needed your master’s, but no longer.


So, if you are willing to go through that much school, then teaching college would be an excellent thing to do.


 



Quote:
What kind of degree do they offer for hard-working, dedicated, intelligent, and out-going free-spirits?
Do you like art? Would you be interested in being an art buyer for company offices?


 



Quote:
Okay, seriously...I am looking for feed-back here. Any kind of feed-back will do. Even if it is to say that you had a hard time picking your own major/job/identity as well.
Well, I doubt my ā€œfeedbackā€ is as short as you might have liked, but there you have it anyway. (I think I wrote so much because so much of this is what I used to do.)


 


As far as choosing a major, yes, it was very hard for me. I knew I wrote well, but, believe it or not, I HATE writing. Like I said, I’m the barracuda when it comes to editing, but out and out writing made me miserable.


 


But, I am glad I went that route. I really created some lovely books, and some kick-butt curriculum. And I think, if you were interested, you could be very good at that as well.


 


I really am sorry for my rambling. I would go back and edit it, but am too tired. So, if you find a mistake the "barracuda" missed, just feel sorry for me, okay?


 


Elphaba





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