So, I discovered something about myself.
I have never liked it when somebody would say, "I need to go find myself".
How did they lose themselves? How do you forget who you are? What kind of silliness is that to say such a statement?
Well, the last laugh is on me. It always is, so no big shocker there.
More and more, I find myself wondering who I am. No, this is not a spiritual matter. Spiritually I know exactly who I am.
And this is not mid-life crisis...I am only 34. Yes, I am happily married, I have two wonderful children, a beautiful home, income, and I enjoying the opportunity to receive a higher education right now.
The real question is this...why am I going to college? Who or what do I want to be?
I have always been a chameleon. Whatever I am doing at the moment is what I want to be...until I get bored and find something else to do, and then that is what I want to be.
Sort of like the callings I have been given in the church. Whenever I get a new one, I throw myself completely into it. I do the best jam-up job that I can. Then, once I feel i have magnified myself and the calling, and once I have hammered out every detail that needed hammering, then I find myself bored. I want a new challenge.
How can I make a decision in college about what I want to be FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, when I have never been any one thing for a long period of time??????
In my life I have been in management in retail and fast-food, I have been a bank teller, I have been a secretary, a personnel manager, an office assistant (not a secretary in this case), and a paraprofessional at an elementary school.
At each of these jobs, my best assets have been a strong work ethics, good organizational skills, out-going personality, and an ever-present desire to move up and be more and do more.
And yet, I eventually got bored at each of these jobs. Except for parapro...I am still doing this one...and I have a new position that is wearing me out right now. But I know this job won't last, because I know I don't want to be a parapro for the rest of my life only making 15k per year.
My major in college right now is Sociology. I am going broad with my degree, so that more doors will open to me...which, for me, is good...because of my free spirit.
I am hoping to be a college professor. But how do I know that is who I am? Or how do I know if that is who I should be?
Do other people have it this hard figuring out "who they are"??????
Such a dumb question on the surface, but it really isn't.
When I am sitting in my World Lit. class, I am thinking about how I could SOOO be a World Lit. professor. When I was in my Humanities class, I thought about how I could SOOO be a Humanities professor.
I could be a writer. I could be an editor, as I find mistakes ALL the time in books and novels (even my textbooks at college). I could be a teacher. I could be a secretary/receptionist. I could be a bank teller. I could be...anything...and yet would anything satisfy me?
What kind of degree do they offer for hard-working, dedicated, intelligent, and out-going free-spirits?
Okay, seriously...I am looking for feed-back here. Any kind of feed-back will do. Even if it is to say that you had a hard time picking your own major/job/identity as well.
~TG