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If you're looking for me, I'll be hiding in this here box.
Posted On 11/11/2008 04:03:26 by SMG
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I've slacked off on my prayer, scripture reading and even church going and I see that it has had a negative effect on me. I'm feeling somewhat depressed. I've been under alot of stress since the semester began. I don't like how I've shifted to old habits and I don't like parts of the person I've become.  Sometimes, I feel like I just wanna dig a hole, put a box in it, cram myself into said box and just bury myself. But then I realize, I have homework due the following Monday and I'm pretty sure that my instructors and my mentor at the hospital would not accept "I feel like poo, I'm going to hide in a box today" as a valid excuse for missing my clinical rotation.  Other times, I just want to wake up one day, go somewhere else and start all over. But I know I can't do that. I've worked too hard and have achieved so much since I was correctly diagnosed several years ago. I don't want to throw all of my effort away without something useful to show for it. I've worked too hard at trying to make a new life out of the broken pieces of my old one. I'm ever so much angrier than usual and I don't really have a clear idea as to why. Sometimes, when I try to pray, I feel as if my words fail me. I just hope Heavenly Father can see what's in my heart, because my mouth is having such a hard time it putting into words.  I'm sorry for clogging up the blog list. I really should have posted something more uplifting, but right now my tank of "uplifting" is empty. I need somewhere to let this feeling out before it eats me alive. This seemed like the safest place to do so. I'm praying that I make it through this episode and this semester in one piece. The next year and a half have so much riding on it for me that it isn't event funny. 
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