I commute a fair distance to work and having all that time on my hands allows me time to think.  Last night was one of those times.  I used to sing a lot.  I took voice lessons in college, I was in theatre, and I was always in a choir.  Music played such an important part in my life and as I was driving it occurred to me that it has been over 10 years since I sang a solo.  (Not that I am any good by any means)  It was then that I realized that I have lost “my voice”.  I didn’t just stop singing; I lost my reason to sing.  As I look back it is also when I started to struggle with my testimony.   I came to the conclusion that in many ways my “voice” is tied to my testimony.  I can recall singing hymns and other gospel music and the joy that literally “swelled my heart”.    I still sing in church, but to be perfectly honest something from within is missing.  Please do not misunderstand I know without a doubt that the gospel is upon the earth and that we do have a living Prophet who guides and directs us.  My struggle is where I fit in.  Where is my place?  Do I even have a place?  Because I am not a mother will I ever have a place?  My struggle with infertility has left a gaping hole in my heart.  I used to know that there would come a day that I would hold and softly sing to my precious little one.  I believed that my voice could be my child’s source of comfort.  Those and so many more gave me reason to sing.  As I lost those reasons somewhere along the way I allowed myself to get lost.  Fortunately, for me I have a wonderful man at my side that loves and cares for me beyond measure.  He is my compass.  He is my anchor!  He still hears “my voice” when I cannot.

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