I had a boss once remind me of this; David Henry Thoureau said it first, and to my dismay, I have found it to be true. There are many men who quietly suffer their anxieties and stress, living lives of desperation, and feeling like they have no where to turn; and there are many women who suffer also (but usually not so quietly). This last weekend, my husband attended a Church Disciplinary Council, in which one of the Bishops in our Stake was excommunicated. According to Church protocol, he did not tell me or anyone else about who it was or what the man did. However, I correctly guessed, and after I had prayed vocally for the couple, he looked up and asked with great surprise, I didn't think you knew...

The reason I guessed can be attributed to several factors, the first being that as a couple, we were friends with the other couple. My husband didn't see Mark's (not his real name) problems - as a good member of the church, and a Bishop, he sustained the man, and helped him to the best of his abilities. However, as a healer and a friend, I called him into a side room several times last year (each time I could do it inconspicuously) and asked him: How are you doing Mark? To which he always replied (as is common, even when someone finds themself in a bad position): Fine.

Now, I did not believe this, for a variety of reasons. 1) To me, he did not look fine - he looked like his stress level was off the charts - I actually saw him walk into a doorway, and bump into several walls - and not because he had been drinking; 2) His wife is very ill, and I had been working with her, and knew somewhat of her health difficulties, and know that when one spouse endures severe health problems, it puts a large strain on the other, and can break up the marriage; and 3) When he talked to me and others, he often seemed as if he was elsewhere - a sign that all is not well.

When Mark finally did confide his main health concern - that he was incredibly tired all the time, I asked him about his diet, and found he was consuming about three of the large cans of Red Bull or other caffeinated drinks daily. Now, this is not a common thing for a Bishop to do, but I found out it was because of long travel times; he and his wife were putting about 130,000 miles on their pickup every year just in getting to and from work, picking up and dropping of their kids, and trying to get supplies of food into the house. This is because they live in a very isolated small town (it has no gas stations, grocery stores or other services); and both have to drive quite a ways to get to work - he 90 miles, and she 50 miles, and the children also have to be bussed or shuttled to and from their schools and other activities, such as seminary, and sports activities at least 50 miles one way. I told him that needed to get rid of the Red Bulls, as soon as possible - because soon his low energy levels were going to turn into a complete shutdown, where he would wake up one day and be unable to move or function. He did cut back on the Red Bulls, and did start taking dietary supplements, but he didn't decrease his crazy lifestyle. Although his wife did make some other good progress changes in her dietary routine, she continued taking bi-monthly cortizone shots in her elbows and knees for arthritic pain. His health did not decrease, but rather, as he begin to feel better, he began looking for options to get out of his crazy life.

Then one day, Mark did something that is very bad for married couples. Afterward, he was truly sorry, and it led him down the path of confession to the Stake President, and soon, Church Discipline. Now, I can't begin to tell you how this made my husband feel. He came home so upset that he just sat on the bed in the bedroom crying and holding on to me as if his world had just crashed in. But after he had cried for awhile, I explained what I had seen six months ago - that Mark and his wife had reached the point of no longer taking care of each other's needs, and both of their emotional cups were empty. They often did not sit together, even in the same room, they did not validate each other - and often came and went to church activities without any communication happening between them at all.

That is when Mark began reaching out to others; which does not excuse his mistake in the eyes of the Lord, but it does explain some of his emotions. Now, as it so happens, even though his wife is very ill, she is a very loving person, and wants to work the marriage out. I applaud her and support her in her decision, and I know that her lot will be difficult for a while, as will their children's. One of their daughters is in my husband's class, and he said that the look on her face during that time was something akin to complete devastation, and when he questioned her a bit, she wouldn't say why, but now he knows why.

As I said at the beginning... a lot of people are living lives of quiet desperation. Perhaps you are, or know a couple or an individual like this one? If you do, take time to reach out to them in love and prayer now, before it's too late. Try not to avoid seeing the warning signs of stress and anxiety in your friends and loved ones. Choosing not to see, and help if you can, leads you to a path of terrible regret when something like this happens. I know because I've done it in the past. I have found that even the smallest thing can change someone's feelings about their lives, if that 'thing' is a prayer on their behalf.

About five years ago we decided to put a concept to the test that I would like to share with you. The leaders of the ward and stakes were given a directive by the First Presidency of the Church to choose five people to pray about in their respective organizations. My husband had three callings at the time, High Councilor, Stake Clerk, and Ward Clerk, so he considered everyone in our ward that we knew as LDS saints, and several people in our stake, to be 'in his organization', so we made up a list of all the people we could think of that needed our prayers, and posted a list on the fridge. The list started with our family members and close friends, and has since grown to include over 1000 people. We began praying for 'our family members and friends - those whose names are on the list' twice daily.

At first, I didn't know it was making a difference. But since then, I have realized that it has made a tremendous difference in their lives. Once in a great while we tell the person "we're praying for you", but mostly, they do not know. One LDS friend in particular was working in Phoenix (five hours of driving away) and was wanting to work closer to home; but was unable to find work. He found out we had been praying for him, after he got a good paying job much closer to home. He is now our ward's Bishop, and we are very thankful for him and his family, believe me.

But there are other things that have happened in the last five years as a result of our prayers on their behalf. One woman in another ward was unable to get her husband to sign the divorce papers, even though he had moved in with someone else, and they had been living together as couple for over five years. As a result, she and her five children were unable to qualify for benefits that they were eligible for, and he did not pay child support. She knew that she could try to force the issue, but as he was an attorney, and as she couldn't afford one that was better than he, she just tolerated the situation. Since we began praying for her and her family, he willingly signed the papers, began paying child-support, and she has been able to meet and date another stalwart LDS man, and get remarried.

There are hundreds of these stories I could tell. My grandchildren (we have over 70) have all lived through a variety of difficulties. We have not had to bury any of our children (we have 9), stepchildren (we have 16), grandchildren, or great-grandchildren (we have 4). My mother (the only parent living) has had a strong softening towards the gospel (she is not a member). Our siblings have benefited greatly from our prayers also. Our friends and loved ones have been very blessed and protected, and I can testify that this is a direct result of our prayers on their behalf.

I have a strong testimony of the power of prayer on behalf of those who are struggling, and nearly everyone is. If you know of someone who is having a tough time of it, try this directive, and I testify that you will see amazing results.

Herbal Lady 

Tags: Prayer Emotional Distress

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