Acceptance and Surrender
At the core of lasting recovering and change lie the concepts of acceptance and surrender.Â It is a paradox for sure but the way to find peace and sobriety from sexual addiction is in the process of giving up the fight.Â When one demands that they conquer the addiction once and for all it has a tendency to keep it more entrenched due to the way the addicted brain works.Â This is one of the most challenging concepts to teach and even more challenging to understand.Â It seems so counter intuitive.Â One of the best dialogues to teach this powerful yet simple concept comes from the old Kung Fu television series where the young Shaolin Priest Caine is seeking wisdom from his teacher Master Kan.
Caine:Â Â "Master our bodies are prey to many needs hunger, thirst, the need for love.Â Shall we then not strive to satisfy these needs?"
Master Kan:Â Â "Only acknowledge them and satisfaction will follow. To deny a truth gives it a force beyond endurance."
To name and acknowledge a trigger when it comes is to accept it for what it is.Â One need not feel ashamed or guilty for having a trigger.Â It is in denying the fact that one is triggered that gives it a force beyond endurance and generally leads to acting out.Â To accept it for what it is and then to let it go is to bring a measure of peace and satisfaction that will never be felt by acting on the trigger.
"The bird of paradise alights only on the hand that does not grasp it."Â -anonymous
"From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever."Â -Chief Joseph