I have been praying alot lately and trying to figure out some stuff in my life.  If you have read my other Blog you know I Have some issues with my father and abuse.  I belong to another site for abuse survivors and spent quite a bit of time there before joining the Church.  But, since then I have been having more of a difficult time posting there.  My heart has changed and the constant ranting about what happened to you over and over again is not there for me... And , I have posted some things about this change and my new found faith.  Well needless to say it has not been totally recieved all that well.  Some of the posters have been critical of my new change of heart.  It kind of hurt me.  I know that everyone must progress at their own pace and for myself I am at the point of forgiveness.  Forgiveness and religion are a sore subject for many survivors and I do understand that.  But why is my progress some sort of threat to them?  I have reached a point that I never thought I would ever be at.

 I have found the peace and security that the Atonement gives to us and it is the most wonderful place.  To know that my big brother really understands what I went through and loves me in spite of all that happened.  I know now that Jesus and Heavenly Father were there when all that happened happened and they cried as the saw their child and brother being hurt.  And, like any good parent who sees their child being hurt and are restrained from acting.  They knew that once they were free they would punish those who hurt their child.  That's how I feel they reacted to what happened and because of freewill they couldn't do anything but in the future it will be taken care of....  That is where I was at about a week ago...

 Four days ago something changed that is the most amazing thing for me.  I was praying and meditating and I began to contemplate the actual crucifixion of our Saviour.  And I began to weep as I thought of all the pain and sorrow my big brother went through and then I remembered His words when He said; "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."  At that moment a wave rushed over me .  That's the only way I can describe it...  At that moment I felt sympathy for my father and I felt forgiveness for him.  I wondered what he went through as a child something made him they way he was.  I asked Jesus to forgive him and to forgive me for all the anger and resentment I had carried for so many many years.  I cried so hard and the sense of freedom I felt was almost euphoric!  Then I felt the need to do his work in the Temple when I am able to go.  Now when I spoke with the missionaries when I joined the Church I told them that the only thing was I never ever wanted to be sealed to my father ever.  And , they said that was my choice.  To feel the need to do his temple work is amazing.  I love my father in spite of everything...

  I testify to all of you the Atonement is real and this Church is God's true Church and Joseph Smith is a Prophet of God as is our present day Prophet Thomas Monson.  We are so blessed to have the restored gospel and The Book of Mormon.  I love all of you so very much!!

            &nb sp;                         &nb sp;                         &nb sp;       Love,

            &nb sp;                         &nb sp;                         &nb sp;                  Tom

Tags: ForgivenessAto Nement

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