We have 2 temple prep classes left and i'm sweating bullets. Strange huh? I keep trying to think of a way to describe the emotions I am having but words escape me. When I met my husband I was an inactive member and he wasn't a member at all. I was living a less desirable lifestyle at the time and usually did not associate myself with the church when asked about my religion. I knew that I wasn't living gospel standards and did not want people to judge what I did and associate my actions with mormonism. I always felt this huge hole in my life though and I knew what was missing I just couldn't quite figure out how to get it. My husband knew nothing about mormonism and I tried to get him to go to other churches with me but he wouldn't. He said he wasn't ready and he didn't like people in the other churches. He did not like the way they chose which commandments to keep as if they were optional. Then one day some missionaries came by our house. They were shocked and pleasantly surprised to find out I was a member. They started teaching my husband the lessons and he was in awe. All the questions he had were finally being answered. To him it just all made sense. It took the missionaries a year but he decided he wanted to be baptized.
He has quickly stepped up to the mans role in the church. He is a worthy prieshood holder and for that I am grateful. His values have always far surpassed most peoples. He is loyal and stands by his convictions. I'm finally getting what I have always wanted so why the fear?
We have been married since I was 19 its not like i'm jumping into a new relationship or something. I think it's because I know this is eternal. It will no longer be until death do we part, its really forever this time. I feel like I can't mess up anymore and beleive me i've done my fair share of messing up. Or what if one day we decide we are not in love anymore. I mean that does happen, right? Now I hope this isn't sounding as if I don't love my husband because I love him more than life itself, but I have a huge case of the what if's right now. Is this normal? Why am I so afraid?
I never knew it was possible to feel this much joy and excitement and have it be mixed with fear.I have got to snap out of it. wish me luck!
Tags: Family Temple