So this Sunday we got a new Bishop. We had heard about it the day before because the rumor mill of the Ward was turning and the rumor came to us that we would be getting a new Bishop. Because of this I was prepared. However the change came as a huge blow to me.

Recently the Bishop asked me to start praying for forgiveness, and so I have. And just last week as I was praying I felt it, forgiveness for my sins. I was so happy, so ecstatic and so anxious to get to church on Sunday and tell the Bishop. Then Saturday we hear the rumor. I hoped so much that it was just a rumor, but no, it indeed happened. I sat there in Sacrament meeting and listened as they released our last bishop and called the new one and I was terrified. I felt the same way I did back on that first Sunday. What would happen, what would this new bishop think of me, would he feel as if he needed to have me do more before I was forgiven in the eyes of the church? And then they called him, the husband of my best friend in the ward. He is a great guy and I am sure will make a great Bishop. However, I am dying inside at the thought of talking to him about my affair.

I stopped our last bishop in the hall after Sacrament meeting and asked him what I do now. He said, “I will brief the next bishop on your situation and you will need to work with him on it.”

I know what I have to do, but I hate the thought of it. I know I will need to meet with this new bishop and talk to him about everything. We will be gone the next two Sundays on vacation so I will have to talk to him about it when we get back. I still feel sick inside about it. Everyone I tell about it I feel as if I have placed a burden upon them. I have prayed for courage and strength to do what is right, Heavenly Father blessed me with enough strength and courage to go through this the first time, I know he will help me this second time.

I had to leave church yesterday after Sacrament meeting because I was crying too hard. I couldn’t go more than a few moments without bursting into tears and even trying to hold them all back did nothing. When I got home I sent my friend an e-mail apologizing for not being there for the rest of the block (we usually sit together in RS), I told her something came up and that I needed to go home. I can’t tell her that I had to go home because I was bawling too hard about her husband being called as bishop. She hasn’t answered me back yet, and I have this terrible fear that he will be told about what I have done from our last bishop and then somehow let it slip to his wife. Ugh, it makes me sick just thinking about it. I suppose it is not so bad, considering that we will be moving soon, but still this woman is the first person who has really ever reached out to me. She is one of the big reasons I came back from inactivity, I would hate losing her friendship because of this.

What happens will happen, but I am hoping that things turn out ok in the end. At this point I am placing it all in the Lord’s hands.

Tags: Repentance Bishop Faith

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