hey dear....there are a lot of truths in what you wrote in this prayer...cling to those....that the Lord loves you, and that you can be free through the atonement, and that satan is the one placing the miserable feelings in your heart, that the love wants you to be happy...so many wonderful things that you've realized and written. your on the right track...put it all out there in the open for the Lord and be completley honest with him...pray constantly, on your knees and out loud and study your scriptures...don't just read to check it off the list...something that has REALLY helped me is when reading, I'll keep on reading until I learn something new or make a new connection or find some new depth to the gospel that i can write down in my journal...keep a scripture journal and write down a quote of the scripture you read in one color and then the thoughts/concerns/questions/impresions (i know its hard, but the Impressions WILL come to your mind..maybe not your heart yet, im not feeling them there, but the Lord is putting them in my head out of His mercy) in a different color. Don't stop reading each time until you've found something to add to that journal. This has helped me soooo much more than just reading "x" number of verses or "x" number of pages/chapters....it forces me to search for something I can learn and that searching allows the Lord to start to teach...we talk to Him through prayer and He talks back through the scriptures...Just keep it up, your on the right track and you and I will both eventually get there.

Lost, you've just got to see who you are.  You're temptations and trials are NOTHING like others have faced, and overcome, and are yet still facing those same temptations.  You hold the priesthood, the authority to do work for and in the name of our Savior. 

As I read what Redlily wrote I thought, there is someone who has overcome one, nop, THE strongest physical and mental addictions ever.  Nothing you face, none of your temptations could be as tough to overcome as what Red lived through.  And though my "addiction" was nothing compared to Red's, and though my body no longer craves, I am still haunted with emotional wants for instant gratification.

Get "The Miracle of Forgivness", read it, (it's slow and dry and it may be a struggle but well worth the effort) and remember you are a servant of our Lord and Savior and you have work to do.

There's a book called The Miracle of Forgivness.  It's a church publication.  I read it when I was struggling and it really helped.  It helped me get perspective.  I'm sure your church library would have a copy.

Still in my prayers,

-Jenny

you are not lost Heavenly Father has carved you in the palm of His hand He will never forget you. Before joining the church i was a heroin addict it was only with fathers love and continual help that i could become clean. the word of wisdom once seemed an impossible ideal. now it guides my life. in order to stop saboteging my lifed i had to give it all over to father the good the bad and the ugly. being honest completely honest with myself and god was how the journey started. satan hangs around as he is jealous you have so much that he doesn't you can cast him out in the name of JESUS. While preparing to recieve my endowment He was up to his old tricks it was hard but by letting the lord uphold me i was able to stand firm. it was hard as i'd been clean and not even tempted to use for years. i know you would like to serve a mission. keep that in mind and start living like that now. read the scriptures often. pray without ceasing. share your testimony when prompted.  i will remember you in my prayers and i know you,ll sort it out READ ISIAH 49:14-16