This whole blog is going to be a bit jumbled and convoluted, but this is the first time i've sat down and tried to think in detail about what happened, and its terrifying just thinking about it....but hopefully it will make sense.

This morning I had my BLS certification (CPR for the healthcare professional) for nursing school and on the way home I wasn't feeling all that fantastic. There is something wrong with my heart that makes me pass out every now and then. It use to happen several times a day, but I know how to catch it better now and it only happens every now and then. Everytime i've lost conciousness I know its going to happen. I can feel my heart rate going way to fast (250+ BPM) and my blood pressure dropping way too low and have anywhere from 1-3 minutes before I lose conciousness. Today was different though.

i was almost home and coming down one of the country roads, and out here because of all the flooding they build the pavement up at least 18 inches or so obove the ground and then make V shaped ditches on the side of the road 4-6 ft deep and at very sharp angles to try to guide the water along. I was driving down a road that was 2 feet high in pavement, and then dropped off at a really sharp angle into the V shaped ditch and all i can remember is waking up as my car was skidding and swirving across the road into the opposite lane.

As I woke up and realized the vehicle was out of control, I felt it teeter back and forth and was afraid it would flip because I've heard  exploreres are top heavy and i was making some pretty sharp swirves in the road. Anyways..thats all I really remember and it was scary enough, but there was someone who was driving behind me and when I pulled over after i got the truck back in control he stopped and rushed out to see if I was ok.  Apparently what I remembered was only the very end of what happened. He told me the whole story through tears.

I guess i must have blacked out  and went off the road into that V shaped ditch...i had both passenger tires riding along that (the ditch is about 4 feet deep) and my driver side tires were still on the road, meanwhile the undercarriage of my truck was dragging along that 2 foot bank of pavement. the tire marks in the slope of the ditch go for about 60 yards so that entire time i was teetering back and forth....the guy that was following me said that i rolled onto two wheels at least 4 times that he counted and he thought i was going to tip and roll the truck each time. He said that i stayed up on just the two passenger wheels for a miraculously long time, balancing back and forth each time,  before my truck slammed back down into the pavement. the whole time the undercarriage was dragging and bouncing across the pavement to the point where along the path that it happened the surface and a good 2 inches or so of pavement was shaved and scratched out of the road by the frame of my truck.

I wasn't wearing a seatbelt and i must have bounced around quite a bit because i bit my tongue and the inside of my cheek pretty bad which left blood all over the inside of my explorer. I have a couple of large bumps on my head and bruising up and down my arms and legs.

The whole time the guy couldn't get over the fact that the truck stayed in a relatively straight line and that it didn't roll or flip over. He kept saying that Jesus came and took the wheel.  he wanted me to go to the hospital, but just followed me home instead.

I walked out to where it all happened a few hours later to see if I had dropped anything out of the undercarriage during the ordeal. Looking back at the tracks and marks in the pavement....the whole thing is kinda impossible. there is no possible way that my car could have kept from rolling, the whole time it was on a ridiculous tilt and half the time it was balancing on just the two passenger wheels...and i was speeding and going 65 miles an hour. Explorers, especially older ones like mine are known for rolling with just a sharp turn, let alone a steep angle. It is simply impossible that while unconcious, the wheel just happened to stay steady enough and the truck was able to defy the laws of physics at 65 miles an hour...I had all the windows down, the sunroof open, and my seatbelt off. I was at least an hour from the closest hospital and I am on a high dose of blood thinners. Had the truck rolled I would have either died immediately or bled to death before I could get to a hospital.

I know that the Lord was watching over me, and not only watching but stepping in and taking the wheel when I couldn't. This is a lesson to me in so many ways. My life for a while has been flying out of control. I have been spiritually teetering between death and pain and somehow the Lord has helped avoid death so far. And if I admit that I can't handle the wheel anymore, He'll take it and guide me pack to the safer road again. It is so amazing that the Lord will so literally save us both physically and spiritually...I suppose that is the atonement...Christ overcame physical and spiritual death so we could live. Its all so amazing.

This experience has raised some questions though. Looking back at the skid marks and the carved pavement and the wheel marks in the grass...I should be dead. The Lord was incredibly merciful because I am not in a position where meeting him would be a happy and joyous situation where he could say "well done, thou good and faithful servant". Im more in the stages of asking the mountains to fall on top of me to hide my guilt. Thankfully the Lord kept me safe and is giving me more time to repent...but what happens if you run out of time before you repent? What happens if you've never started the repentence process and die, and then what happens if your working towards repenting of something terrible but just aren't there yet?

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