I don't know what triggered this, but I feel like I'm falling apart. Its 1 in the morning and I don't have anyone to talk to, but I need to just get it all out. I feel like I've ruined everything beyond repair. The things that I've destroyed can't be fixed or replaced. When you get married you are supposed to be clean and virtuous..i can't ever be that again...your first time is supposed to be on your wedding night...i can't do that...your relationshp is supposed to be always geared towards eternal progression and mine isn't and i don't know if i can fix it....you are supposed to build up the man that you love and im just tearing him down...I've ruined it all and I feel so entirely worthless right now. I can't be who I was supposed to be  because i've done so much that I wasn't supposed to do. I used to say that I feel empty but I'd give anything to just feel empty now, because Im miserable. I'm sorry for ranting, i just feel so alone...somehow typing to a computer screen eases that if only just a little.

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