I am sitting in bed with a mountain of work to do.  I just feel like the energy has been drained from my body.  I need to find the motivation to get up and get busy.

I was asked to give a talk this month - the first talk in over 4 years.  I dont mind giving talks.  It was on a talk given by Elder Bednar and our temple attendance. It was a great talk and I so needed to study those blessings of temple attendance. Afterwards, I got a ton of people stopping me and hugging me...telling me how strong the spirit was.... how great the talk was.... I recall once, where a little of me felt the spirit... but why didnt I feel the spirit?... I felt nothing.  I believe the only reason people came up to me in the mass numbers they did....was because I bore my testimony - that the past three months would have crushed me... I would have crumbled...going through everything I have, if I hadnt been to the temple 4 times (temple by the way is far from here).  So I think they felt sorry for me because everyone all of a sudden wants to hug me (and I dont like hugs).

I got a friend of mine in the church a job... I felt like it was what I was supposed to do...and I was so happy -she had been looking for a job for a long time...shes in a loveless marriage where they say they are just waiting for their house to sell to separate (I dont feel like they are gonna...but anyways)... I was so happy... but then... now... Friday she cried when she left because I work with 2 biotchs that dont like me and have decided to make her life miserable (cuz shes a softy that wont stand up for herself). SO did I really do good by getting her a job there?

I emptied out part of my basement to a family in the ward that only the 16 yr old daughter is a member...it was teh 2nd load of things...(you remember the girl I took shopping).  The spirit whispered the whole time not to give her the computer stuff, tv stuff...etc....but I did anyways because I wanted it out of my basement.  Then Wednesday... another member (less active)... had her house burn down.  I could have given her those things (cuz other family I KNOW have plenty now)  so I gathered up what I could find... and went from there.  I got some collections from work...  And as i was giving my bishop's (whom I love like a father) wife home from work (because she is super awesome and have given her car to a member of the church to use until further notice)... a ride home.. she says... she asked the RS pres if I could teach her lesson next week since I was in the RS pres..... she didnt really ask me... she just sorta told me I was going to do it...  so why did I get upset?  Shes a sweet person that never assumes anyone will do anything and is always donating all she has (including time) to our ward members... so why did I want to scream at her.

My days start at 630-645 am.. I rush for the next hour to get myself and my girls ready and out the door. Fight traffic for 25 min to the Daycare... Rush to put their stuff away ...passing words to the teachers...hugs kisses...tears... Off to work by 830. Where I love my job but hate 2 people who have the ability to make my life hell. I am micromanaged by a peer and my boss is spineless and soooooooooooo whimpy that he admitted last month when 2 ladies quit (one for health one because they couldnt take the 2 other ladies) that he would have fired them a long time ago but just couldnt because he knew they depended on the job. (hes a super nice guy---too nice).  So I work my tail off, buried under work because even though Im new...all the producers prefer to work with me...so Iam bogged down.  Then, even though I am supposed to leave at 5 and 430 on Fridays ... I never leave until 515 and if I am not picking up my kids 6pm.... off to the daycare where i get greeted with Hugs....and by the time I hit the car...screams, cries, etc because of being tired and hungry.  I throw something together for dinner (I never "make" dinner anymore) play with the girls until bathtime at 8 (cuz my kids dont sleep...we cant go to bed before 830 or they are up at 3am)  and they are FINALLY asleep between 9-915.  Then I clean out backpacks, make lunches for the next day.. pick out clothes...and lay everything out.  I crawl into bed by 10... jump on the net for an hour or so... and start all over again.

Did I know I would live a life like this?  And I really said... OK?  Or is "there something just around the riverbend?"

Oh and I have a friend whom I have confided everything in... that recently I realized that if they cant tell people I am friends with them... that they are close to me... then is it a relationship that is heathly for me? I am not sure. I am confused because this friend has the ability to make me feel better - so why now do I keep getting the feeling that until they are comfortable with us being friends...then I should probably not put so much into them.  And so I feel like Ive just lost by best friend.

LOL OK..so this is sounding like a BAD country love song... hate my job, work too hard, lost my dog...lost my best friend...lol

OK - sometimes - I just need to type it out to feel better!

Bookmark: