Don't misunderstand me. I am not justifying at all, but when your husband breaks his hand while punching a wall in your house then something is wrong. It is something I have said in many posts I have made in response to others who have committed adultery. When something like adultery happens the marriage needs to make a choice: does the husband and wife want to stay together or not? If not then split ways. But if so then changes need to happen and not just on the side of the sinning spouse. Adultery is a terrible choice no matter which way you look at it and the sinner needs to repent most definately. However, adultery is also often a big flashing sign that says, "This marriage has problems!" So if the couple wants to stay together then things have to change to make that marriage work again.

It doesn't excuse what the sinning spouse did, it does not make it ok, and it does not minimize the act. Instead it helps the couple fix the marriage. Because let me tell you, if changes do not happen, if both sides are not willing to change some way they look at their marriage then the marriage will fail.

What I am seeing with my friend is that she is trying to change, she has gone to her bishop and confessed, she has started the repentance process, she has even done all of the things her husband has requested her to do to change and yet he still terrifies her with his anger issues. That is a problem and blaming everything on her affair is minimizing the fact that he has serious anger issues and probably needs anger management classes. What I see as a problem is that when an affair happens people jump up and say, "Oh that big bad sinner! How could they do this? They need to repent!" And they completely ignore the fact that if the marriage is to survive after the affair that things HAVE TO CHANGE. It is impossible for things to stay the same and the marriage to continue. And when change happens everyone has to change, not just one person because it defeats the purpose of change.

The truth is when it comes to saving a marriage after an affair you really have to put the affair to one side and look at the marriage as a couple and say, "Ok now, what do WE need to do to fix this marriage?" And bringing blame and hurt into it is not going to help. Yes, after you have your game plan and are working on it hurt and blame will come back, deal with them as they come up and move on. People can fix a ruined marriage, but it takes work from both sides.

I can certainly appreciate the joy you must be feeling with your reinstatement to full membership, your husbands huge show of christlike resolve, and the addition to your eternal family. However, I do not think it wise to speculate the differences of reaction from your spouse to your friends spouse. You are in a sense judging and condemning him for his reactions to such an ugly and repugnant sin. Not only are two individuals (a third if you count the person of interest), but children have also severely affected as this selfish act has a direct impact on the family dynamic. I applaude you and feel that you really are blessed with having a husband whose qualities are almost comparable to Job's. But do not try to minimize the act, because your husband was more forgiving than most would be. Try some compassion for the affected family members in your friends family. Sorry this is harsh, but the problem with the world today is in trying to justify and minimize hienous things.