Tonight is the end of my third day home! .. things are going pretty well. Iām adjusting a lot better than I thought I would. There are lots of things that are strange but Iām not nearly as depressed as I thought I would be. Lol, actually, yesterday I was driving to the temple and it was my first time being absolutely alone and I pretty much burst into tears and cried the entire trip as I listened to on-the-plan music about āgoing home.ā (Lol, I havenāt even listened to normal music yet). I do miss being a missionary in good olā Loo-zi-ana. I actually keep saying āback homeā when I talk about the mission and I think it has been kind of offending my dad. I have to correct myself every time I realize Iām saying it.
As for my dad and family.. things are great. While I was away, my dad built me this really awesome office space and a HUGE walk-in closet in my room. I think he is trying to bribe me into staying home. He was way excited to show me and it was so so sweet. I actually feel guilty about the idea of moving out of state. He did tell me though, that if I move to Az., theyāll all just move with me. Being with them isnāt nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Tonight was the first night weāve sat at the dinner table together to eat dinner since I've been back and my dad voluntarily said, āSo you wanna say a prayer?ā I had to keep myself from crying as I blessed the food aloud! That has never happened before! It was such a special moment for me.
Itās funny because during my entire mission, I wondered when the Lord was gonna bless my family. It seemed that the more i lost myself in the work, the more they partied. It seems that the blessings are coming afterward though. I told my dad I wanted to have a family night and he is totally up for it! I donāt know that weāll start with a prayer and have a spiritual message but Iām thinking I can invite the elders over for an FHE sometime soon and they can introduce the spiritual aspect of FHE to the family.
Speaking of which, I called 2 sets of elders.. the ones from my singles branch and the ones from my family ward. I told them both that I was available any time to go out with them or meet them places or visit less actives or whatever and they havenāt even called me! Itās kind of depressing. It was so wonderful having so many members out with us all the time and members we could trust to fellowship our investigators.. it just seems like these elders maybe arenāt the best workers and so they donāt care about that stuff. That made me really sad. When I talk to them on Sunday when I speak, Iām gonna ask them where the closest sisters are in the mission.
Anyway, back to my family. My heart pounded as I walked down the airport stairs to greet them for the first time but since then, itās pretty much like I never even left. No weirdness or anything. Even though my dad doesnāt understand a lot, he is trying to be sympathetic. My stake pres did a great job of preparing them for how I may feel in the next few weeks in my release interview. I was so grateful for that. He truly was inspired to do that for me. My dad also said I could invite the elders over to feed them anytime.. so thatās awesome. The Lord is blessing me so much. At first I felt like I wasnāt supposed to be in California but then after this past General Conference, Iāve been feeling more and more like God expects me to be a steward over my family and invite the spirit into my home and be an example for them deliberately in a way that I never have before.
I researched ASU today and it stressed me out hardcore. Itās such a large school and really emphasizes science and research.. not so much for me. I really donāt want to go to BYU.. for multiple reasons.. but obviously Iāll pray about it and see what the Lord wants for me. I feel like Iām basically starting from scratch though and Iām 22 years old! .. so who knows? Maybe I AM supposed to be in California afterall.
For the first time in a really long time, I just donāt really have anyone to talk to.. lol.. so thanks for listening. I called Tom yesterday.. heās been home for 3 weeks now and apparently he isnāt adjusting very well. He didnāt answer my phone call. Other than that, Iāve pretty much ignored all the phone calls and text messages Iāve gotten. It just seems weird to get all wrapped up in that kind of thing again and I really just donāt have a desire to talk to anyone. I guess I feel like maybe they would put me in a situation where I would have to exercise my agency for good and go against the crowd.. in very small ways obviously, because theyāre all members.. but I just donāt want to deal with that right now.. however small and minute those choices would be. Oh! Another thing about my dad.. someone asked him when we were coming home from our trip next week and I overheard him say, āWell knowing Nay.. probably Saturday night or early Sunday morning.ā Woot! Woot! Hearing that took a load off my shoulders. Apparently all of my subliminal (and maybe not so subliminal) messages in my emails about the Sabbath have paid off! I just canāt even tell you how much the Lord is blessing me and my family.
Kay, quickly.. things that take me aback for a second and tell me Iām definitely not a missionary in Louisiana anymore..
I totally wanna park half on the road and half on the grass on the opposite side of the street facing the wrong way all the time.. Iāve had to stop myself about 5 times now.
There are Hispanics EVERYWHERE. In fact, I went to the mall tonight and I think I saw about 2 white people the entire night.. one of which was Christy, my dadās girlfriend, whom I was there with!
I also noticed in the mall that everyone has so much style and cares so much about what they look like. It was weird to see so many extremes and just people who are well-groomed and trendy. Lol. I did learn a valuable lesson tonight though. After serving with people for 18 months who have absolutely nothing, I felt sick to spend the money to be ātrendyā like everyone around me. My dad, Shawn, and Christy have all got on me about not buying new clothes and not being liberal with money but I just canāt do it. Iām holding out for DI.. J.
Haha.. so yesterday, I woke up early and took Parker Dog out for a run (who btw, did NOT remember me L.. but has quickly realized that I AM his favorite person in the house.). As we ran, I smiled at everyone and waved and said good morning to strangers.. you know, like everyone does? Well, so I thought. People gave me the cold shoulder and looked at me weird and turned the other way! I was shocked! Enjoy the Southern Hospitality while you can people..
Lol, I keep wanting to call people āBrother and Sisterā with their names. In fact, on Wednesday, I called my 18 year old non-member cousin āSister Brittni.ā
I visited Danielās family last night after the temple and visited for about an hour.. as I got up to leave, I started to say, āWell, can we say a prayer before we go?ā but then realized I didnāt have to!
I AM still praying before I leave the house each time and before I get out of my car once at my destination. It just feels right?
Iām the ONLY Saints fan.. anywhere!
Every time I get into a car that Iām not driving, I go to back them and then realize I donāt have to.
I get super depressed and feel awful about myself for sitting down to watch tv. I feel like there are so many souls to save out there and Iām just sitting on my butt! (I wish the elders would call me)
There have been plenty more occasions that remind me Iām not in the South anymore but the good news is.. dun dun dun.. āyaāllā is still a natural part of my vocabulary, I still put Tonyās on everything, and I still donāt have a vocabulary! Hoorah for the South! Long live the MJM.
Btw, the temple was AMAZING. Time and experience with the scriptures and especially the BOM and just overall gospel knowledge has opened up so many doors for me at the temple!