The older I get, the more I can look back on my life and I see how my struggles and trials have led me in the directions I was meant to go. Sometimes we are meant to learn in long-suffering, or be tried or tested. Some things don't seem fair, and we don't know the reasons why.
Don't give up on going to church. You will be blessed for trying. Maybe your current struggles will strengthen you and prepare you for something ahead. Heavenly Father doesn't take our trials away, instead he will uplift and strengthen us so that we can get through them. But you have to ask him.
My brother had wanted to go on a mission, but his bishop wouldn't let him put in his papers. There was no good reason for it. At first I was upset. Eventually there was a new bishop, and he got his papers ready. Unfortunatley by that point, he no longer had a desire to serve. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you. Don't give up hope, though. The right path is never easy.
I have found that when something is delayed, it is only to give me time to get something else taken care of first, or it is to lead me in a different direction from what I had expected. You will be blessed if you keep trying to go to church, keep reading your scriptures and praying. In several years from now, you may even be able to look back at the path you were lead, and see what vital things you would have missed otherwise.
Climbing uphill can be very difficult, but the view from the top is priceless. Just keep climbing, the top isn't as far as it seems.
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