This is such a heartbreaking situation. My church is culturally in line with abstinence, and we practice it in our homes. However, when a family member, a non-member, drinks...especially an elder...it's tough. The counsel to stand firm is easy to give, and perhaps right. But... my heart goes out to you.
Regardless of the alcohol, there will be spiritual tension. Accept that, and be as loving as you can. Lovingly tell your drinking family members that you respect them, have no desire to interfere with their drinking, but that you are raising your children not to drink, and hope they will respect your desire not to expose them to a drinking environment, and so do not want alcohol in your home.
This is painful stuff...I wish you well.
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"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." -- Lord Acton
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