[VisionOfLehi]

You know...

It's tough being told, every time that the whole mission thing gets brought up with me, to "Go and do it." or "You won't regret it." or "Even if you can't do the full thing, it'll be worth it."

It's draining, really, to constantly have people telling me this. It's almost as if, the way they say it, that I don't have enough faith to go on a mission.


So then I feel awkward every time it's brought up. "Great... they're going to ask me." "Great, another person I have to say, 'No, I'm not planning one right now,' to."


And I just don't like it. I really believe that those guys who don't go on missions have an unrighteous judgment against them, whether conscious or not.


I shouldn't have to explain to others that those entitled to receive revelation for ME, personally, have counseled me to go to school, instead. Going on a full-time mission has never been excluded in those counsels, but it's been essentially... put on the back burner.


This hasn't been an easy thing for me. The counsel goes against, well, logic, to me. There's a standing commandment from the prophets... Every young and able man should go.

I can only assume I'm not "able," because that's my general feeling.

I've prayed and fasted on it multiple times. I weighed it in my head. "Go and serve, or go to school." To my shock, the answer was not "Go and serve."

That's the first person entitled to receive revelation for me.

But I wasn't satisfied, and didn't trust my own feelings.

So it was for this very purpose that I decided to get my Patriarchal Blessing. I fasted, and prayed, to receive an answer about it.

"Continue your education."

Well, okay. But it still feels odd to me, even though that's a 2nd confirmation.

Third was one of my home teachers. I talked to him, he knew my situation. He was the ward missionary director, or whatever that calling is, when I was investigating. He said to go and get as much schooling done as I can. Even if I graduated first, I'd still have time to go.

Well, 3rd confirmation here, but everyone else seems against me.



Are there any others who experience this?

Do others notice this stigma?

What do you think about having to "explain" to everyone? Saying, "It's none of their business," really isn't a, well, practical standpoint.


Edit:

For those who can't go, and have a situation like mine... Do you think this burden of stigma is a sort of balance for the burden of constant work for the Lord?

Also, do you think it'll get worse as I'm older? Right now the being a recent convert thing sometimes... lessens the judgment, I guess... But as I'm older it'll be "Where did you serve?" instead of "Are you going to serve?"