Quote:
Originally Posted by candyprpl
Quote by Otterpop
"In my own case, I left the Church for spiritual reasons, gradually and gently by God. I was led to a richer belief and a richer life outside Mormonism. You could say I was "deconverted" after having been born into Mormonism. And Moroni 10 certainly had a lot to do with it."
I'm curious about this statement and was wondering if you could explain what happened. . . . So bottom line -- I'm just curious -- I am not interested in telling you your decision is wrong because it goes against what I believe.
Care to explain for yourself?
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This is a really good thread. I haven't logged in since Sunday because I have had a very busy week at work and have been working overtime to get everything done.
It is not easy to explain in this kind of setting how I came to be an exMormon, and my own understanding of how my spiritual life has unfolded (and continues to unfold) evolves as I mature.
I can tell you exactly how Moroni 10 came into it, and what my very first step out of the LDS church was -- though I certainly didn't know it at the time.
When I was 15, I read the Book of Mormon for the first time. I read it in conjunction with home-study seminary. I remember the chart I had from one of my seminary workbooks: block letters spelling out "I've read the Book of Mormon," divided into 239 small blocks. As I read each chapter, I filled in the block with my yellow highlighter.
I had thought reading the Book Mormon would be kind of boring. I had always gotten stuck in the Isaiah chapters of 2nd Nephi before. But I discovered that after 2nd Nephi, it wasn't hard. It really does contain epic stories, arresting images of events, people, and places. I was comfortable with the spiritual teachings, and had planned to read the Book of Mormon for a long time. It was finally reaching a very important goal.
I finished the Book of Mormon mid-week, and I decided that after church the next Sunday I would spend some time alone and follow Moroni's counsel in Moroni 10:3-5. (I don't have to look up the scriptural reference, even after all these years.) That afternoon, I knelt down beside my bed, as I had so many times before. I had received a lot of guidance through prayers, and I had absolute faith that I would receive a witness by the Holy Ghost of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I prayed sincerely and with humility and with an open heart. And what happened was . . .
Nothing.
It is the closest I had ever come to having a sense of a "stupor of thought." Many years later, I realized that this experience broke my heart. It is absolutely one of the most painful and confusing experiences of my life.
But please don't think I concluded the BoM was untrue or that the Church wasn't true. No, I concluded that there was something wrong with me or with how I had approached Moroni's promise. I had faith in the Church; it was the foundation of everything I believed and everything I planned to do in my life. I had always been taught to pray
that the the BoM was true -- not to pray about
whether it was true. That it wasn't true was genuinely an unthinkable thought to me then.
And please don't think I was expecting a "sign." I had truly expected only a quiet sense that this was
right -- the same kind of quiet guidance I typically had in answer to prayers on things I had "studied out in my mind."
I never got that sense about the BoM or the truthfulness of the Church. I had guidance in many other things, even a couple of answer to prayers that were fairly dramatic and showed stunning synchronicity.
But never to that prayer about the very cornerstone of Mormonism. I kept attending church, and believing, and praying, and journaling, and having callings, and doing service projects, and attending seminary, and going to stake dances, and . . . everything. I attended BYU for 7 years, and when I did stop attending church knowing that I would never go back, I was a temple-recommend-worthy adult who had never even tasted coffee.
In those 12 years, I did a lot of searching and soul-searching, and had a lot of answers to prayers and a lot of spiritual guidance -- and it all led me out of the LDS Church.
That's my testimony of my experience with the Book of Mormon.