Quote:
Originally Posted by robbiewinters
I have been married for 10 years and have always been completely faithful. I have never flirted with another girl and my wife is the only woman I have had any relations with. We went through a bad spell a couple of years ago and I started flirting (I thought harmlesslessly with a workmate). One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. This happened a few times over a couple of weeks. I realised how stupid this was. I stopped it. I broke off contact and got a new job where I don't see her. Do you think I should tell my wife. I am certain that she will end the marriage if I do. Is it better just to keep this to myself and never do it again. Would this be considered sinful not to confess. Do I need to tell my bishop who will then probably tell me to discuss with my wife?
Any advise please?
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The most unfortunately and delicate situation. I would not ad to the chastising you have already received from some of the members of the forum. I would rather concentrate on the question at hand.
Disclosure of transgressions of any kind kind has to meet a number of conditions: one that the situation at hand has the potential of hurting/injuring physically the offended party. Two: that the offense had the potential to destroy the marriage on account of the transgression being grounds to dissolve the sealing. Three that the offended party is required to be involved for monitoring, support, encouragement, treatment and/or accountability.
I suggest that although your wife will be extremely unhappy, upset and incensed about this kind of behavior, I doubt seriously she will run to the court house and file for divorce. Again, I am in no way minimizing or exonerating you from your disloyalty. However, I am suggesting that it may actually be quite toxic and counter productive to share something that happened 2 years ago with no further repercussions. It is the kind of information that can push a marriage into a coma when the affliction was actually a very bad cold. I would be inclined to keep it quiet and put this behind you.
I would feel much better if you would have gone to counseling to understand (truly) the root cause of your affair. A "rough patch" is not insight. You could be referring to several days of indigestion for all I know. I think some professional intervention would provide the level of understanding as to hedge against further "rough patches" leading to kissing or something worse.
You should be brave and humble and consult with your bishop. It may illicit the kind of repentance sometimes needed to close forever this "escape hatch" built out of weakness. He is also the most indicated to suggest after all if you should or not share this with your wife.
Just my two cents. More like three, I thought.