Quote:
Originally Posted by MorningStar
It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. For me, I was afraid of marrying someone who would go inactive because of my dad leaving, and it was really hard on my mom, so I had concerns about marrying a return missionary because I wanted to make sure the Gospel was a huge priority (but my dad went and he says that was to make his parents happy, so that's no guarantee). A guy I dated hadn't gone, but I think it was his overall behavior that turned me off, thinking he might leave the church someday. My friend married a great guy who never went on a mission and he chose to join the military instead. She never had any issues with that. My brother didn't go on his mission until he was 21 and I think he got more out of it because he waited until he was ready.
Anyway, people are nosey. "When are you going to have a baby? When are you going to have another baby? Why aren't you married?" My friend was judged as being unrighteous because she didn't have a baby for 8 years, which she decided was the right decision because of how unstable her marriage was. She didn't want to bring a baby into a family where they were yelling at each other all the time and possibly going to get divorced. People need to respect personal revelation on these issues.
|
True MorningStar:
I agree with you in that some are quite insensitive and nosy that way. But is it part of the cultural milieu of the church. Just like any other set of social/cultural expectations. In most countries away from the West and the US girls are expected to marry young, for example.
You are expected to have children within 2 years or so, to remain close to your family and not move away 2000 miles, girls should not be too skinny or people may think they are sick and too weak to bear children, young men should revere their mothers-in-law for she gave you a beautiful wife (in my case/country for example).
These are "unspoken" tenets of the social group and there is nothing intrinsically wrong with that, I think. If we break away from the norms then WE experience some tension because of the questions. But we can't blame people for having certain expectations.
I am a convert so I am stretching the situation a bit just to make a point/example, but, If I was a young guy, RM, faithful and true to my covenants. And begin to date a young girl, that grew up in the Gospel, propose and marry in the temple. If on my wedding night I find out she has not kept her chastity and did not tell me and kept that issue from me, I have the right to be disappointed. I had certain expectations based on shared values and histories, primarily obedience to the Gospel.
So, yes people sometimes are too nosy and issue value judgments on others based on those cultural expectations. But we should not be too hard on them. They are not being malicious (I hope). They are just being human and LDS in the worst case scenario.
