[funkymonkey]

Hi VOL.
I have been watching this thread for a while now, and I so feel for you, but I am thankful that you were strong enough to ask this question. I relate to your concerns right now, and I also thank all of those who have added little excerpts of encouragement.

I have been left chronically ill for a year now, from West Nile Virus. I am now a slave to a sick, weak body; my life as I knew it is completely gone. So at the age of 27 I am living the life of an 80 year old who is just waiting to die. Nobody has any answers as to when it will be over, no doctors, no religious figures, nobody knows anything about this disease.
I have been pushed to the brink over and over again (and what I thought was beyond the brink). I have thought for months on end that I can't go on like this, in pain and too sick to sleep or even feed myself every day. I have spent countless days and nights on my knees pleading with God to make it easier, to bless me with health, to give me something to help me along the way. I have tested my faith in ways I never thought, and yet I still feel spiritually abandoned and left to deal with this on my own...at a time when I need my Lord the most.
And, like you, I ask when will this get better, or easier, or when any relief will come. I don't have any answers, and have a lot more questions now about the ways of God than I did a year ago.

While I still have many many questions...Here are a couple tiny things that have helped me get through the day, and sometimes the hour. Different things help at different times...

1 - A general authority guy once said that God doesn't give you trials but rather he lets them happen. I am not being punished, nor do I deserve this...it simply just happened to me.

2 - God will not swoop down and make my problems go away. In order to see any progress in my condition (both mentally and physically, and as small as the progress may be) I must do most of the work on my own. I must do my part and work to find the tools to make my situation better. It's much like school...if I do nothing, I'll get an F; if I work hard, I might get a B or and A.

Alma 36: 25 "Yea, and now behold, O my son, the Lord doth give me exceedingly great joy in the fruit of my labors;"
(His love and wisdom is eternal but how are we truly going to find it without doing the work and struggling ourselves?)

3 - If we seek him out, he can give us hugs every now and then; and we can work to accept our situation...

Alma 36: 20 "And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!"
21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

Since I have started to try to accept my trials, dealing with them have been easier. (I really only started doing this in the past week) I pray that my trials will add depth to my soul and help me build strength. Because of my trials, I hope to someday taste of even sweeter joy, and have a greater appreciation for the Lord's guidance in my life.

4 - (this one probably a ton of people will not like)...When the deep despair of depresson start to grab hold and all I can think about is how I'm not going to get better so I might as well "end it". I try to immediately stop those feelings and tell myself that I'm not going to let the adversary have that kind of control over me and I take control of my mind. When that doesn't work, I just start thinking of less extreme ways to "escape" my situation, like fanticizing about getting drunk or eating a ton of ice cream. Never done it, but I figure that's a better thing to tempt myself with than just being done with life.

5 - Throw out the guilt. I'm not perfect, but neither is anyone else. Someone once told me that women tend to think they are worse than they really are, and men tend to think they're better than they really are. (I think there might be some truth to that) I am doing the best I can with my situation, some days are better than others...and struggling and stumbling is a part of my life and for the moment. I'm going to be OK with my imperfections and focus on one small thing at a time.

6 - For me, this struggle is long and many times unbearable. But I can find peace sometimes in the scriptures and then write things down about them and my situation...

2 Ne. 31: 16, 20
"Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. "

If you're anything like me, the same strategy or method doesn't work all the time, so I am always looking for new ideas. But maybe something from my very personal "arsenal" may help someone else here.

God bless.