earhtyangel...cool name.....good to meet you.....i have studied many religions and phylosophies.....from a very early age....starting with the death of my father at age 5....i started asking...whats it all mean?;...why are we born to die?.....is there something after this?....hard questions for a 5yr old....but there i was....and had NO help from family or church.....always resented church members (not necessarily lds members...but not excluding them either) thaat would simply pat a child on the head and smile...as if the child were SO stupid....when, in fact, the adult was a spiritual moron.....at least, at that time...i moved away from christian churches....and yet....felt jesus in me....like my best friend....so i became scientific....knowing that there is more to church than simply attending.....how or why i knew this...i didnt know...at the time....through my youth...and at 19...i read a book....about eastern phylosophy....and it was like..yea...thats right!!.....and all the while i still felt jesus inside me...like my best friend.....long story short....i lived in a jain ashram (jainism is from india....its greatest tenant is non-violance to ALL living creatures)...where i learned to pray....not the just close your eyes and and talk praying.....but the...be still, and know that i an GOD praying...what a revalation....and blessing....and inside....i felt jesus was my best friend...so i studied...yoga...meditation...and jesus was there with me...inside....like a friend you know is with you...even though you are seperated....and felt....man, the church (christian) has gone so far astray....there are real techniques to focus on GOD with...and they dont seem to have a clue.....i lived in the ashram ( a monestary...if you will) for 10 years.....and for some inexplicable reason...felt it was time to go..cant explain it....but couldnt deny it....and shortly thereafter....through circumstance....was introduced to lds missionaries.....took the lessons...all the while thinking...ok..another christian church....they probably dont have a clue either...and by this time,,i was in my 40s...and the missionaries were ..what...19?...20?....what do they know about anything....but...iread the testamony in the front of the book of mormon....and was filled with such a sence of joy....i believed it to be true....but cmon...josph smith?...so much was still strange to me.....but....the lds (i prefer that tto mormon) approach to SPIRITUAL PRACTICE was so like what i had studied, and felt to be true...i could not deny it....do i accept everything verbatum?....no ...i still struggle with some church policies....and church people.....and practice the prayer/meditation techniques i learned and hold to be true spiritual practice....and try to give others their own time and space to grow....as i understand growth...keeping in mind....non-violence....physical..mental....spiritual....as best i can....and still follow the truth i feel in my heart....and soul........to say that there is a political aspect to the church is an understatement in my opinion....i have always felt....and did learn...that true spirit is between you and GOD....period....although profets/teachers are here to help guide us....it still comes down to .....you GOD, and me......so...here are my thoughts....i dont know if you are apostate or not....but i have a sense that you seek more truth (reality) than you've been taught.....ok...search....find your path .....but dont feel you are cut off from jesus because the church says you are....or do you feel removed from him yourself?.....yea...been there too....andf he is still here with me....lol......bottom line......find your own path.....whatever it is....i pray.....and i feel...that it will bring you home.......and yes....lol....sometimes i'm still affraid.....blessings
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