[Lyle]

Please Forgive Me i have bad grammar! i am a dyslexic and i just dont want to take all the effort to correct it for this post but will in the future!


My name is Lyle. I am here in California. just found your site a week ago when doing something for a friend i stumbled onto this. Today while searching for LDS views on Fatherhood I found an article here by Brother Keith L. Brown. I thank you where ever you are.
So I was born in the mid-west my family then moved to the southwest then soon we settled in California. i was born into the covenant but fell away some years ago because i no longer felt worthy and apparently i was taught some things that weren't gospel or true in any sense of the... well that doesn't matter it was my choices and my choice that lead me where i was.

so about two years ago. i gave it up i couldn't live the way i was knowing what i knew. On a Wednesday i said to my Girlfriend if you cant move out by Friday i am. but on Thursday morning before she woke up i packed as much as i could and moved to my car. i moved home. that Sunday i saw my bishop who told me that i could be forgiven and that he knew i was going to be alright. i saw the stake president who said he was so glad to see me that he had just seen my dad who lost his rights to the priesthood many years ago.

we had both felt the calling and both came with everything lost. we had both given up all we had. the following day i received a promotion and the gospel began to fall into my hands all around me. and a few months after that i learned of the singles ward (which was a relief i thought everyone who came of that age fell away like me because i couldn't find them anywhere) this is when the lord chose me to change even more.

the man i was so many years ago is gone i don't even know him i sound like him i might look like him but he is dead and i am alive. i faced my death in this mortal life. i laid in hospital beds i had undergone more pain and suffering than i ever understood the human body could handle(I'm an EMT seen lots). when i was sure the end was tonight. i crawled to the edge of my bed and fell onto the floor. with the little energy i had i pulled myself to my knees and i cried that the Lord would take care of my family that if he could find a way that if there was a way i would find forgiveness for the sins i hadn't made up for yet. i cried like i had never done it once. my life was over and i hadn't lived a righteous life i knew i was going to die i knew what was waiting for me when i did and i knew it was going to be much harder when i got there to be forgiven i had only begun to find the truth then i began to die.

i woke the next morning and suffered as i had the day before in the worst pain imaginable with only enough energy to make my self drink and eat what little i could fighting past the pain and the gaging. and when the night came i prayed what felt like the same prayer again. i did this for almost a week when the night came that my body no longer looked as it had only a few months before my muscles on my arms had all but withered away. and still the doctors could not give an answer. i prayed that the lord would comfort my family. i prayed i said father why, if i am going to die tonight, do i have to suffer till the bitter end. i am alone i am scared there is no one with me but you. no one to talk to but you and i feel like i have failed you and am not hardly worthy of your love. if i am to live like this teach me how i am to adapt to this. teach me what i am to learn from this. i found that his Love that Christs redeeming love endured even all my pushing all my fighting and all my sins His love didnt have to change like mine did.

the next day i had no more energy but the depression began to subside. i crawled from my bed to the floor and then stood myself up on the old cane i had grabbed, by inspiration i suppose i didnt need it wheni put it next to my bed and was sure i wasnt gonig to use it. i pushed myself to the fridge i ate differently i ate of the two foods that are safe for nearly ll human beings rice and chicken. i called the doctor and got a very expensive blood test set up i stopped taking the medications long ago. i was sure if i was going to die i was going to feel every moment. i was going into the next life as sober as i possibly could. i wanted to be clear headed to pray.

he changed my life i received the will to live again even though i was physically gone. they never found out what was wrong with me. they said it left my body different than it was. but i am alive. i received a healing blessing once and the lord only offered comfort not healing he advised me in several blessing since that i will suffer and learn much from it and that i would be able to connect to those who are suffering that i might bring them comfort.

when i started to feel a little better i began attending church again and fell madly in Love with a woman whom i will marry. i am thankful the lord chose me to come closer to knowing what his son may have suffered through all suffering we can come closer to understanding Christ's. i am alive today i spend most of my day studying the gospel and looking for work(we're in a recession you know). thats a tidbit about who I am I hope to get to know you all! i love Christ love music and art centered on Him and gospel themes.