Originally Posted by bjw
I've had another situation come up at my ward, and the church in general, and wanted some advice. You guys really helped out last time. It seems that I'm having more problems at my ward with the EQ President and the church.
On Saturday I went to take the CSET Mathematics exam, its very hard and only has a 20% pass rate, and I had so much riding on passing it this time, since I had already paid a non-refundable $500 fee to take night classes starting in June while I intern as a high-school math teacher. Its going to really cost me since my salary would have tripled had I passed the exam, and I'm having a lot of financial trouble. Well, the EQ President called me right when I got back from the exam, and I know I failed it, and I was almost in tears while we talked. He asked me what was wrong and I explained to him the situation. He came across as being very insensitive and told me he wanted me to teach a lesson in Elder's Quorum the next day. I told him he reached me at a bad time and that I was having a lot of doubts about the church right now and needed to get things right in my life. He was persistent and said I was to do it anyway. I told him to find a substitute, maybe tell whoever was to do it next week and I would trade with him. He very rudely told me that it was my responsibility to find me a replacement, not his, and that I should get the ward directory and start calling people. I just said fine and hung up.
I was so angry after all the problems I've had with this guy already that I didn't even bother going to church today. 5 minutes before priesthood was to start I saw on my caller ID that he was calling me. I didn't even bother answering. I'm still very upset right now, and have been having a lot of doubts about the church as it is. I just found out a lot of things that have been causing me to have doubts about the truthfulness of this church, and this has been making me wonder if it wouldn't be better to just stay home. I can always read the Bible with my grandmother at home and worship Him on my own terms without mean people taking jabs at me all the time.
Even if this church turns its back on me, I know Jesus Christ will never turn his back on me. Even if the bad things I've been hearing about Joseph Smith or the early church are true, it still doesn't change Christ's love for me and I know no matter where I am I will still have Him.
I'm wondering, what will they probably do since I didn't show up to teach the EQ lesson? I am definitely going to ask to be released from all callings and excused from 3rd hour, but I'm not sure if they will try some sort of formal disciplinary proceedings or take my temple recommend.
The way the EQ President and the bishop have treated me and my grandmother, especially after the bishop yelled at my grandmother on the phone, I know these local leaders definitely do not emulate Jesus Christ. I know God will not hold it against me if they decide to ask me to leave the church. Right now I'm taking time off from it to do some soul searching, and to do more research on the church. I'm going to spend some time in prayer as well. I thought about quitting on my own, but I don't want to do anything in haste that I might regret later. I really want the church to be true, and I wish I could get along better with the people in my ward, but nothing I try seems to work. So, any advice you guys might have I would really appreciate it.
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