I think the main "problem" in talking about alcohol consumption with LDS is that it is ultimately seen as evil, with little give. Now, that's not to say that excessive alcohol consumption does not lead to bad situations, but most people who drink do not have a problem with the evils associated with it. Most people don't drink to get drunk. The drink itself is an enjoyment. Some people like the taste. Personally, I think beer and most liquors and wine tastes disgusting, and only have vodka-based drinks myself. The reason I drink them is because I enjoy the slight burn as it goes down that you don't get with non-alcoholic beverages. Yes, some people are idiots and drink purposefully to get drunk, but even if they think drunkenness is fun, they're short-sighted morons because the hangovers that immediately follow are physically painful and taxing.
But that doesn't pertain only to alcohol, as so many innocuous things can be abused. Prescription and OTC medications are obvious ones. But even things like gasoline and household cleansers can be abused. Even seemingly good and noble things can become vices, when one becomes obsessed with a certain hobby, thing, or relationship, or obsessed with work. Obsession, reliance, and dependence upon things other than God are the sin.
The thing about alcohol (or any sort of abuse/over-use/reliance) is that it makes people feel better in the short run. That's why it's easy for people to use it to escape their problems and feel better. The problem is the crash afterwards when things aren't actually better, and so they have more. But that can be said of anything, really. Personally, I'm right now trying my best to not become too dependent on a person that I should not be dependent on in my most recent bout of depression (it comes and goes), and alcohol has played no role in any of this.
But to get to the point about appearances, I'm going to say that you have to be where people are to get to them. Jesus ate and drank and spent his time with the sinners of the day, and the righteous people noticed and were appalled. He didn't join in the fun, but he was one in spirit with them. Yes, we are in the world, not of the world, blah blah blah. But we are still in this world. We are participants in this life. To effectively be a 'real' person, we have to be with these people. I'm not saying to our LDS friends here that you should partake in drinking alcohol, or go to Starbucks to get a coffee, certainly not. But there's no reason to alienate these places either. They're places of social gathering, it's not the same as going to a bordello (I had to look up the word). One goes to a brothel, generally, to engage in sexual relations with someone that is not your wife. But one goes to a bar (or pub, I don't like bars myself) for the social engagement in the environment that a bar brings.
Now, all things said, one must also have the self-control to not engage. If one does not, then one should not go. As an extreme example, a convert who was previously an alcoholic obviously, obviously, obviously should never go. (Actually convert or not, a previous alcoholic should never go.) But we need to strengthen ourselves, and go to where the people are.
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