Hi there. wish i was welcoming you under better circumstances.
Sounds like your husband is more dazed and confused than i am, as if he doesn't know what he wants or what to do? i can understand your wanting and needing to better understand things so as to not get hurt any more. i think that's a good idea. finding the balance between protecting yourself and still being open to trying to heal the situation sounds terrible to go through.
My wife is not a member either, but we've only been married a short time. this is my first, her second (widow). we are both much older than you and your husband, too.
I would say, stick to your guns, so to speak. continue to pray and keep with good company for the spiritual strength you need to get through this the best way possible.
hugs and prayers and hopes that all works out the way you want it to.