Oh, one other thing that we've started doing lately that is proving to be very successful...
If I tell my child to do something (for example, go wash his hands for dinner), and he says no, I offer choices. For example, "You can either go wash your hands like a big boy right now on your own, or I can come and carry you and wash them for you." Once in a while, I end up carrying a screaming, writhing child... but most of the time he chooses the right thing because he so loves his independence! Then I pour on the praise for him making the right choice.
I've learned a lot of this by his preschool teacher. She is so awesome with kids. Her husband is a child psychologist and they have two small children, so they know all the tricks.
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