[mom_of_jcchlsm]

choices work great. we also explain in advance what the likely consequences of certain actions will be or ask them to tell us what they think will happen if they follow a certain course (we do this for both good and bad choices).

just this morning, my 12-yo came out wearing her older sister's shirt. Older sister is long gone (she goes straight to school from seminary). I asked "are you green to wear that shirt?" ("green" as in green light) and she said "she's let me borrow it before . . ." I simply said "You know your sister pretty well. Think things through from her point of view." 12-yo walks heads off to the bathroom to do her hair. She wore that shirt for almost a half an hour before thinking better of it. She was the last child I dropped off this morning for school. When we were alone (well, with the baby and toddler), I asked "what made you change your mind about the shirt?" She mumbled something about how that shirt kinda itches and the color is wrong. Totally ignoring her evasion, I said something like "well, I think you made a good choice. I'm thankful that I don't have to listen to you two arguing this afternoon over the shirt. Relationships are more important than things. Besides, you'll have a chance to ask her tonight if you want to borrow it tomorrow." So we'll see if she's wearing it tomorrow. Bet not (just to prove Mom wrong), but I also bet she will wear it in the near future (hopefully with permission!).