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There is no reason why the consequence has to be painful. Little ones need love, which hitting does not represent. They also need to be taught WHY what they did was wrong, and that it is possible to resolve conflict without violence, which is a very important life skill.[/b]
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What age group do you have in mind? My guess is that spanking will be completely spent as a tool of parenthood by the time my girls reach 8-10. Little ones would be roughly 3-10, depending on the child. To give you an example from today: My 3.5 year old is learning not to cry--and a mean the pouty wail that should be reserved for being hurt--when she doesn't get what she wants. We had told her about three times in the past hour. So, I pulled her into a separate room and asked her if daddy was angry or not. She immediately quit cryin and nodded her head. I then took two fingers and tapped about twice as hard as a simple tap would have been--twice. Did it hurt? No, I'm quite certain it didn't. But, it was just hard enough that she took it for a spank, which was embarrassing, and let her know she had crossed the line. She didn't cry again for about an hour and a half. Since it was far enough from the last time, a quick word was enough--she stopped.
Mind you, our girls are happy, get lots of praise, hear several times a day that they are loved, and absolutely trust their mommy and daddy. They do not walk around in fear, and that have the security of knowing that when they get too silly, or too wound up, we'll be there to calm them down. If they get awnry, we will put them in time out, and, on rare occasions, use the "spank."
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Trust in adults? Sorry, don't see your reasoning here.[/b]
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When little ones (again, 3-10) know that parents won't let them get out of control, that we will protect them with limits, warnings, and discipline, if need be, they feel secure. They quickly learn the rules, receive lots of love and affirmation, and, when playing with other kids, feel the confidence of knowing that they know how to get along with children and other adults. The rare spank reminds them that we will protect them from themselves. And, again, by the time they reach 8 or so, the spank will be a distant memory.
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Spanking is the easy way out for parents. It takes a bit of time and creativity to think of a better and more effective punishment, but it is worth it in the long run, IMO.[/b]
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That's a bit over-confident, imho. It's true that we don't have to use the spank. However, the so-called quick fix, time-saver, is often a relief for children, as well as parents. The escalation of behavior ends, the constant negotiation/renegotiation, 5-min, 10-min, 30-min time-outs, the lengthy explanations--sometimes a quick 10-second, one or two-"tap-spank" stops the whole cycle. Child becomes quiet, and within two minutes, is playing nicely, or compliantly helping with clean up.
Bottom-line: Spanking need not be hard, or truly painful. For the young child (3-10) it is often a quick and effective break on bad behavior that is escalating. If spanking is common or primary for pre-teens or adolescence, yeah--reevaluation might be in order.
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The irony these days though is that spanking can lead to the spanker going to jail for child abuse. And not for being abusive, per say, but because it seems to me that society as a whole is moving away from corporal punishment all together, and those engaging in it still are being frowned upon.
Spank a child = he gets mad at you = tells his friends = they tell him to call the cops, and he'll never get spanked again.[/b]
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This scenario used to, and in some ways, still does anger me. The medicine government dishes out, sometimes is worse than the sickness.
On the other hand, my sense is, spanking is a tool that should be used sparingly, and primarily on the very young (3-8 or so). By 4th grade or so, a child should have enough reasoning skills, and self-discipline, that spanking would no longer be necessary. Discussion, negotiation, removal of privileges, grounding, etc. would become the norm. I'm guessing there aren't too many preschoolers, or K-2nd-graders that are world-wise and hardened enough to call in the police on their own parents.